feeling conflicted

Is anyone else feeling super conflicted about all these viral posts floating around about modesty and breastfeeding!?

I read them and don't know quite how to feel or respond.

(And I realize those of you who do not (try to) live by the teaching of the Bible and are passionate about breastfeeding will likely HATE reading this, but these are just my thoughts that I wanted to share because I'm so tired of reading the same controversial stories about someone nursing in public and then someone else being outraged about it and saying something to the person and then someone else being outraged that the person said something to the mother.  Enough already.)

Yes, breasts were designed to feed babies which is a natural and beautiful thing.  And yes, absolutely, it seems WEIRD for people to be disgusted when they see women publicly breastfeeding.

AND YET

I think it's naive to pretend that just because the intentions of this body part are pure, that we are not a fallen people.

Genesis 2:25 describes how Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed.  Then over in chapter 3, Eve falls into temptation (verses 6 and 7.)

When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.  Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.

Ok, so that's where I am.  I'm not a theologian.  Please don't rip me a new one.  I'm just trying to balance the two sides in my head.

I wish we could pretend that we've not oversexualized everything and that breast were purely a milk supply.  You've seen the commercial that blurs out chicken breasts, right?  Maybe people would better handle the whole situation if we weren't constantly bombarded with these kinds of things!?

So I'll leave you with this...because I KNOW this is one of those topics that can NEVER EVER be resolved peacefully, but wanted to share my two cents worth:

I understand that it is NOT my RESPONSIBILITY to guard others against temptation.  But it is my choice to be kind and considerate to others and be discreet with breast exposure.  A milk suppler to you is still a breast to everyone else.  Consider the people who struggle with pornography--it might be impossible for them to see your breast as just a way to feed your child.  Please take into consideration that I don't want my husband seeing your boobs (in a skimpy bikini or any other way) and that I don't want your husband seeing mine.  In my humble opinion, it would be awesome if Christian mamas would stop ignoring the fact that boobs are sexual when it comes time to feed their babies.

And seriously, I'm still conflicted on this even as I type it...because I understand completely that boobs are ALSO very much intended to feed babies AND that some babies love to fling off covers and that in some environments it's unrealistic to wear a cover because of it being too hot (although, every cover I've seen is a light breathable cotton, that is generally serving a dual purpose of helping keep the sun out of baby's eyes, too.)

So just think about it before you get all heated about it.  Think about all the sides of the situation. 
...I know I'm STILL thinking about it.

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama, (part 2)

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

I wrote you a little note recently that might have made you mad, or it might have made you think.  Or maybe you didn't even read it. (Here it is, if that is the case.)  I just wanted to share a little follow up to let you know what I think...hopefully not in an OVERLY opinionated way, but in just a sharing and caring kind of way.

I hope to hit the major points that I have found to be hugely controversial throughout parents that I've encountered either on the web or in real life.  Ready?  Here we go.

Breastfeeding.  Yay or nay?  

Yay.  I believe in the benefits of it and hope to be an encouragement to others who want to try.  However, I also believe that some mamas just don't have the lifestyle to support it and it is more stress and guilt for the mama than it is a benefit for the baby.  So if it works, great...stick with it for more than a month if you can...and if it doesn't work out, that's fine too.  One mom isn't better than another because of it.

Co-sleeping.  Yay or nay?
Yay and nay.  HA!  I remember those sleepy, hazy first days with my baby.  And if you're able to nurse in the night, it's pretty easy to start co-sleeping, because who wants to be moving so much in the middle of the night!?  Not me.  However, as it turns out, our kiddo was a SUPER loud sleeper.  He was getting way more sleep than mama, so we transitioned him into his room about 4 weeks in so we could get some sleep!

I'm hesitant to support co-sleeping when it involves promoting snacking all through the night or when it extends for several months or years.  I am not a supporter of "the family bed."  Call me crazy, but my bed is for me and my husband.  It's good for our marriage and establishing limits with our kids.

Baby-wearing.  Yay or nay?

Yay.  I love it in theory and I tried to do it a lot.  However, I feel like I actually didn't do it that much with my first due to sleep-deprivation and being so sore all the time.  My back couldn't handle it.  My sister swears by the Ergo carrier.  I used two different carriers.  I will probably try to borrow her Ergo a little bit next time!  However, the free hand baby carrier was fantastic because it was well supportive like the Ergo, but allowed baby to sit in a comfortable forward-facing position!  That's so hard to find, as most carriers just end up letting baby hang off the front of mama.  This one got baby in a bit of a seated position!  (Baby can face mama, face out, and even go on mama's back with this carrier!  Very versatile.)

And of course, who doesn't love a good Moby wrap.  Lots of fabric, lots of wrapping, but allowed me to feel like my baby was very secure and is great for little snugly babies.  I've heard good things about the ka'tan carrier, but haven't tried it!

Pacifiers.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  Or more like, heck yeah!  The only thing we chose not to do is go back in his room and put it back in his mouth when he was little bitty.  If it helped him fall asleep, great.  But we didn't want to train him that when it came out, mom and dad came back in the room.  We wanted to encourage sleeping independently.  (That's not to say there weren't times we did anything and everything just to help him sleep!!!)  My little man didn't seem to have any probably nursing because of the paci and the benefit I found was when he just wanted to nurse to stay asleep I could swap in the paci and put him down to sleep instead of allowing him to sleep-nurse.

Cloth diapering. Yay or nay?
Yay...I guess.  We have cloth diapers.  We use them sometimes.  But we usually go in phases.   We'll do disposable for a month or two and then do cloth for a month or two.  I guess, maybe sadly, we don't do it for the environment, but more so just to save money.  So every time I use them I am saving money, but I don't stress if we use disposables for awhile.  I really don't think one is better parenting choice than the other...just maybe more economical.

CIO.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  While the cry-it-out method can be heart-breaking at times.  I disagree with those who argue babies don't cry unless they need something.  Well, I guess I only sort of disagree.  Sometimes babies just cry because they are TIRED (or over-tired) and I think it's important that they learn how to settle themselves down and go to sleep on their own.  I like sleep.  I like being able to have a break from my child.  I like teaching my child self-sufficiency and independence.

Scheduling.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  I think what I've learned from having a tiny baby that has grown in to a "big boy" is that in the beginning it's a little more easy to be flexible.  Babies have so many growth spurts and it's hard to schedule feedings when your little one wants to eat ravenously all the time.  But once he's grown up a little bit he likes knowing what's coming.

When I worked with toddlers in a child care center for almost 3 years, I found that they LOVED knowing what was coming next.  Kids expect routines and knowing what's coming next helps them feel like they have a little control in their life (which is a major thing when a kiddo turns two.)

Plus, let's be real, I'm a planner like my mom.  I like knowing I will have a predictable break in my day where I will be able to get things done that I can't do while caring for a child--or sometimes just take a nap!

___________________________________________________________________________________

Did I cover all the major ones?  I know you may not care about my opinions, but I think it's important to realize that some moms can value attachment-parent stances as well as the opposite.  We don't all have to be extremest when raising children.  A lot of things won't irreparably damage your child.

I think one of the biggest things to remember when parenting is whether or not you've prayed about it.  God was a dad, too.  He may not have had to figure out sleep-scheduling with His baby, Jesus, but He knows how you feel.  Jesus experienced real human emotion.  He struggled in every way.  He is SUPER wise.

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

Love,
Mary

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

I'm going to do my best to keep my cool while I compose this letter, because I know, at times, all of us mamas can be overly-opinionated about one thing or another.

However, over the past year and a half of parenting my dear one, you have gotten on my nerves a time or two.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  And I'm writing you this letter just in case you don't realize what you're doing to me and other moms.

You're hurting us with your super strong, often narrow view of how a mama should raise her baby.
You make us feel inadequate.
You make us feel like we're doing it wrong.
You make us feel like we're going to irreparably screw up our off spring.

I know that you have articles to back up your perspective on parenting.  It's been made clear that you think letting a baby cry it out will screw them up in the long run.   It's no secret that you think breastfeeding is the best feeding (and you're right, but sometimes some moms don't or can't breastfeed and they are still great mamas.)

And what about those of you who are in the opposing camp to the attachment parents?  You don't even get a name!  Not fair!  I suppose you could be called "Baby Wise" mamas, or "Detachment Parents" but that definitely doesn't sound fair to you!  You can be present and active in your child's life with out sharing a bed with them. (That's not to say we didn't share a bed a time or two when I was so tired and just wanted SLEEEEP!  **See diagram below.)

Before I go off on too many tangents, I just want to say this: be nice, overly-opinionated mama!

The crash course on becoming a mom (that starts the day you give birth) is hard enough without your opinions making us feel lousy.

Overly-opinionated mama, I think it's important for you to remember that for every article you have read, there's another article disputing it.  For every experience you've had, someone else has had the opposite.  So just chill, ok.  If someone asks you directly for your opinion, give it.  If they don't, keep calm and remember we're all still learning what works best for our own family--it is probably different than what works best with your family.

Overly-opinionated mama, can we still be friends?  I don't want it to be weird--and neither does your other friend who also doesn't want to hear your very strong opinions.

Love,
Mary
(Here's a follow-up to this post.)
**Ok, so while I was in the middle of blogging this, I was looking up a picture to put on the post.  As it turns out, I just stumbled upon one of the funniest parenting blogs I've ever read.  Check it out.  Oh, and here's the picture I wanted to share (I got it from their site.):

#tbt One Year Ago

It was one year ago that I started off the day nursing my baby for, what I didn't know, would be the last time.

For two weeks prior I had been having weird pains in my lungs and severe headaches.  I took headache medicine and assumed it would just work itself out.  However, the night of July 17, my "lung pain" (chest pain) had become so severe that I could not get a deep breathe and was in tears trying to get to sleep because I knew my dear sweet baby would be up in the morning with or without me having a good night sleep.  By the grace of God I was able to fall asleep with the promise to my husband that I would call the doctor in the morning.

July, 18, 2012 I called my primary care physician to make an appointment about my chest pain and trouble breathing--words that a PCP practically sound the alarm for (as they should.)  They directed me to the ER and suggested going to the Good Samaritan location because it would be less busy.  I arranged to drop off Sam for a few hours with my mom and drove myself to the ER.  I calmly checked myself in explaining my severe chest pain and trouble breathing.  I sat in the empty waiting room as they prepared my papers and then gave me my bracelet.

By this time I was nervous all the time, didn't sleep well, and had my current problems on top of it.  Since I was never diagnosed with PPD, I figured all of those symptoms were just coming to a head and I was about to implode. (As it turns out, the nervousness was a symptom of the condition I was about to be diagnosed with.)

I answered all the nurses questions, got an IV, and officially became a little scared.  Also, I was thinking about how my son was going to need to nurse soon, so I needed to get a diagnosis and head home.

I'm not really sure why I didn't understand that chest pain was kind of a big deal.  Now I know!

After more doctors came and asked similar questions and lots of other questions, and then the same exact questions over and over, they decided to run some tests.  (I texted my husband the above picture and suggested that maybe he come over from his office.)  I was at a teaching hospital, so I had the student doctor, then the resident, then the attending doctor all come in and talk to me.  I realized the severity when the attending came in.  (Lucky for me I had been watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, so a lot of the things that happened to me or people I met weren't so much scary to me as they were amusing.  I felt like I was making my own episode of Grey's.)

I ended up having an EKG (electrocardiogram) also called an Echo.  They put a bunch of stickers on my chest to monitor things, then a nice tech lady came in and did a sort of ultrasound around my heart.  I also had an x-ray and a few more tests, one of which included a CT scan (or a CAT scan.)  That was the test that made me thinking I really must be filming an episode of a hospital tv show!

Finally it was determined that there was a thick layer of fluid around my heart that was causing the pressure.  This is called Pericarditis or also a Pericardial effusion.  The doctors used the terms interchangeably.   One doctor (I think the eager resident) suggested extracting the fluid by jabbing a giant needle in my chest.  Thankfully, the attending had a less-invasive solution!!!

The doctors went ahead and admitted me to stay overnight in the hospital for observation.  Because of the 'contrast' they gave me during the CT scan and some other drugs that had been pumped into me by that time, I was instructed to pump and dump my milk for the time being.  It would take 48 hours until my milk would be safe for Sammy.

What!?  Overnight?  Pump and dump!?  This was suppose to be a quick trip to the doctor and back home.  I guess I was wrong.  I talked to my mom and told her where she could find a bottle and the formula that had been mailed to me for free from the formula companies that I had saved "just in case."  If ever there was a "just in case" time, this was it!

I had my family praying for me and by this time my husband had come to stay and my dear friend was kind enough to bring me an overnight bag of clothes and deodorant, etc.   While Lee J got Sam settled in at home for his first night away from his parents and without nursing, I got settled in at the hospital.

The next day the doctors told me my options.  I was offered the option of taking ibuprofen in high doses to bring down the inflammation.  This would allow me to continue breastfeeding, but was not a sure thing solution.  Then I was offered a drug that had been in some case studies that gave me a 90% chance of the inflammation not returning, however I wouldn't be allowed to nurse Sam while I took the medicine for 3 months.

After some ignorant comments about breastfeeding from the doctors (that were probably said to make me feel like a good mom, no matter what my choice was,) and some praying and thinking, my husband and I decided I should take the second drug.  This choice also meant I was choosing (sort of) to stop breastfeeding.  It was a tough decision, but ultimately my long term health outweighed Sam receiving breast milk.  

I was released from the hospital on Thursday and our family hopped in the mini van with Lee J's family and drove to the beach in Flordia on Friday night...a detail I decided not to share with the doctors.  I figured relaxing at the beach was a great option for recovery anyway.

Weening Sam definitely didn't happen the way I had planned it, but most things don't go according to our plans, do they?  I'm thankful to have been able to breastfeed him for the 6+ months I was able to!

I'm thankful that a year later I am feeling healthy and strong and that my kid is well-grown and happy as ever (most of the time!) 

That's my #throwbackthursday story, what's yours!?   

...more on toddler food

Oh my gosh, so recently we've started having oatmeal for breakfast and I wish I had done this much earlier!  I feel much better about filling his belly with oats that fluffy bread (add oatmeal to the list!)  I should have taken the que from my older, wiser sister a long time ago!  Her daughter is a year and a week older than Sam so I tend to look to them to see what's coming down the pike!

When I wrote the previous entry about feeding a toothless toddler, I thought of three more things I wanted to share with you, but now I can only remember two of them.  Bummer.  But the two things are still good, so get excited!

1. The snack cup pictured above.  It's seriously awesome.  My toddler is such a grazer (like his parents.)  However, we also have a dog, so if I leave out snacks for him, they will last about 1.3 seconds before being gobbled up by our pup.  I can put so many snacks in here and Sam has access, but Truck (our dog) does not!  Life-changing.  We got them at the grocery store, they're not hard to find.  They usually come in a 2-pack.
2. The Weelicious cookbook. The author has a VERY successful blog (so much so, that she wrote a book.) It was so helpful to me!  Up until we got the book (which was around 15 months old for our son,) we were still feeding him in the high chair in our kitchen floor--not at the table.  After reading a lot of the introduction to the book, we moved him to the table, which I love.  It's a little more work as far as clean up, but he is gaining social skills, a sense of order for meal time, and is becoming a champ at using utensils (which I wasn't even giving him before!)
   
   Some of you may think I'm foolish for buying the cookbook because there is free access to almost every recipe on weelicious.com, but I really love having a physical book.  Plus, I really hate the idea of dragging my laptop into the kitchen and risking its demise with one careless mistake.
   
   This book gave me such a great grasp on how to feed my boy and how to keep him from learning bad habits like requesting a second meal and turning his nose up at the first one offered.  Seriously, check it out (maybe even, just from your local library!)

feeding a toothless toddler

Once we made it through the very trying first year of our son's life things got significantly easier.

But to quote Elizabethtown, "if it wasn't this... it'd be something else."

With most families this would most likely be teething.  But not for our family!

At 17 and a half months, our son's 5th tooth just arrived.  His first two emerged at 11 months, second two at around 14 or 15 months, and just yesterday I noticed a first year molar popping through.  Crazy kid!

So what is it that wears us out, you ask?  Feeding a toothless toddler!  While he manages great with a lot of foods, we still have to be cautious of the foods we present him since he has the ravenous appetite of an ever-moving toddler, but the gums of a 5 month old.

It's been work trying to figure out what fills up this sweet boy's belly, so that's why I want to share some ideas with you in hopes that you don't have to do so much brain storming!

First I should say, we do our best to avoid a whole lot of processed foods, but we're also realistic, on a budget, and on the go a lot of the time (and sometimes just down-right lazy) which makes steaming asparagus and preparing quinoa casseroles often out of the question.

I think about food in these catagories:  protein, veggies/fruits, grains/fiber, other carbs, & snacks. I don't give dairy its own category because we still give him cups of milk and he gets calcium through other foods and in proteins he gets throughout the day.
I should also add that at around 9 months or so, my son only let grandma spoon feed him and when he was home with us it was finger foods only (or getting a baby spoon swatted away and having mashed anything splattered on our carpet.)

Proteins:

• ground meat (beef/turkey) sometimes in a red sauce
• canned beans (organic/regular) strained and pinched to help avoid a chocking hazard
     black beans, kidney beans, navy bean
• hummus (or canned chick peas, but they don't digest as well since they're not fully chewed)
• peanut butter (or other nut butters) 
• eggs (scrambled or boiled)
• yogurt
• cheese

   
Veggies/Fruits:

• frozen peas/carrots (great for sore gums)
• canned peas/carrots
• chopped green beans
• sauteed chopped squash and zucchini
• microwaved sweet potato (cooled and scooped out)
• occasionally things like veggie straws or veggie puffs (like Gerber graduate snacks, but b/c of the preservatives, additives, sugar, etc, we try to keep these to a minimum)
•  canned fruit that is packed in 100% juice or water and not light or heavy syrup, our go-tos are pears, peaches, and mandarin oranges 
• bananas--i had given up on these b/c my son would examine the pieces and then throw them on the floor, recently i tried giving him a whole pealed banana and he scarfed it down!  Go figure!?
• grapes (I feel obligated to say cut these in half, however, my son does great with whole ones along as I'm constantly supervising him) 
• apple sauce jars, cups, and squeeze pouches, we love them all! (The gogo squeez are usually the most economical.  The package says for 3+ years but it seems that is due to the small cap, so if you don't give the small cap to your child, you should be good to go.)
• blueberries (These are an absolute favorite food!  As pictured above, the frozen ones can be a bit messy!)

Grains/Fiber:

• whole wheat Chex cereal
• whole wheat or multi-grain bread
• whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread or English muffins (toasted or not)
• pita chips
• matzah bread/crackers (with a dip like hummus)
• whole grain Goldfish (I know these are not as healthy as they sound, but they're better than the regular ones and a mom has to have some go-to snacks!)
• whole grain pasta (including mac and cheese)

 Other Carbs + Snack Foods:
       This is my least favorite category because I know there is the least nutrition in these, but it's also unrealistic for use to never have snack food that fills us up and is easy to prepare.

• crackers (Ritz, Saltines, Triscuits)
• pretzels
• puffs
• yogurt melts (There are dairy free ones at Target that are rice-based)

As far as beverages, our son usually drinks only milk and water with the occasional watered down juice.  He also rarely has desserts.  I don't see a reason to expose him to them since he doesn't even know he's missing out on anything at this point.

My mind is already reeling with more tips and strategies that have worked for us, but I will save those for another day!  Hope this provides some guidance for you in feeding your toothless toddler!

Are there any awesome foods I left off the list!?

5 things to help new moms

Isn't there a huge learning curve for new mommies!?
Here are 5 things I wish I had understood better during those first few tough months.

1. All babies cry. 
   When you're hesitant about bringing your baby out in public for fear of a melt down, just remember, "The baby on the bus goes wah, wah, wah."  Sometimes I think about that song to console myself.  The baby doesn't go "zzz zzz zzz," or "giggle, giggle, giggle," the baby cries.  
2. Parenting styles differ like crazy!
   I never even knew about phrases like "attachment parenting" or "parent led sleep."  I was not prepared for the strong opinions people have about their differing styles.  Your decisions are (probably) not wrong, they just might be different than the next mom.
3. Nursing is often really hard.
   Not only can the logistics of nursing be tricky, but it also takes time and emotional commitment.  I struggled a lot with knowing when to feed my son, when to schedule my son, when to not schedule him, and when to tell other people to back off because he was my son!
4. Mommy-recovery needs to be a priority.
   Don't neglect your healing body because you feel guilty for spending time on yourself.  You need to keep any wounds or stitches clean, you need to take showers, and you need to eat.  Happy mamas eat.
5. Sleep is really important.
   Moms feel this pull to be everything for their baby.  They need to rush to their baby's aide at the first peep.  They need to let their baby stay latched on all night so their baby can sleep (while they lay there awake.)  Moms need sleep.  Your brain functions poorly with out it, you're patience gets shot, you're less productive, and you become weak with out sleep.  Find strategies that help you get more of it!  I suggest pacis, daddies, and putting the baby in his own bed. (Also the suggestions that are in the DVD in this post.)

picky eaters

I have a woman-crush on Elisabeth Hasselbeck.  It started back when she was a contestant on Survivor--before she was a cast member of The View.  I thought she was so cool--and I guess I still think she's pretty cool.  When I flipped on the tv and The View co-host was on the screen, I wasn't in a hurry to change channels.  I was even more intrigued when I heard Elisabeth talking with a chef about cooking multiple things to make all her kids happy with their meals.

I have no sources, except the show, to back up what I'm about to share with you.

The chef said that he had a pediatrician once tell him that if a person is not exposed to a food before his or her third birthday, that it is a natural instinct to have a fight or flight reaction and be apprehensive of the food and not be able to eat it.  Whaaa!?  That's crazy, right?  But if that's really true, then we need to start trying more foods.  We try a lot, but still, we've got less than two years to get in the rest!

They also discussed how, if you've missed this window, how to get your kids to eat.  They talked about giving your child the option of eating the (one) good meal that you've cooked, or to not eat.  All, except Whoopi, agreed that eventually the child will come back to the table and try it when he or she gets hungry enough.

So what do you think!?  Have you found this to be true with your kids?  Do you cook multiple meals for your kids?  Are you a picky eater?

This is my pin board of kids food: http://www.pinterest.com/maryfromky/eat-kids-food/

Do you have a pin board to share?

guilty baby pleasures

Recently I had a friend ask a group of us (around a camp fire) about our "guilty pleasures."  Among the answers included were, watching Star Wars, skipping brushing our teeth before bed, and listening to gangster rap in our Escalade Camry.



Today, while feeding Sam breakfast in his high chair, I put my head to his as I often do and he leaned into it with enjoyment.  (Having trouble picturing this--think, Barry transferring his success in Baby Mama at the end of the video clip from YouTube!)

I realized I love doing that with Sam (and that I always think of the Baby Mama clip!) And that it is my "guilty baby pleasure."  He seems to like it and it makes me feel like we're hugging!

So, spill the beans.  What's your "guilty baby pleasure?"

Dear ISOBANOUF Mama

Dear Initially-Started-Out-Breastfeeding-and-Now-Only-Use-Formula Mama,

I call you this crazy-long name because my husband told me that "milk-switching mama" was not clear enough.  The point of this, though, is that you are a special breed...a breed that doesn't even have a short name to describe yourself.  You are a breed of mama that often gets forgotten, misunderstood or looked-down on for your decision.  You are a mama, who is doing the right thing for your family.

You are a mama who really believed that "Breast is best" and wanted that for your child.  You tried to make it work, you truly did your best, but somewhere along the way you switched milks.

ISOBANOUF Mama, you may have started out breastfeeding and knew you were only going to continue for 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, etc.  Or you may have been a mom who planned on nursing your child into his teenage years (just kidding).  But now you have switched.

Maybe your maternity leave was very short and you decided it was better for both of you to make the switch earlier rather than later.

 Maybe you tried and tried to get your baby to latch and he wouldn't and it was unrealistic (or unsuccessful) for you to pump every few hours for the next year.

Maybe it was because a nurse in the NICU decided for you by giving your baby a bottle without asking you first and you were a first-time mom who didn't know to stop her.

Maybe your baby had a dairy allergy and it was unrealistic for you to not consume any dairy for the next year and you found a formula that relieved the discomfort in your baby's tummy.

Maybe the time commitment of breastfeeding was dragging you down emotionally and you needed to be able to take an extended break from your baby (without having to pump).  Or maybe you had to go on a business trip!

Maybe your supply ran low and you went to a lactation consultant, your pediatrician, your obstetrician, and your prayer group, but with no success.

Maybe you started having chest pain and trouble breathing, went to the ER, found out you had a heart condition that necessitated taking medicine that was not approved for breastfeeding mamas (you could have taken a lesser drug that would have given you a higher percentage for your condition to return) and chose your own heart health over breastfeeding.  {Was this example a little too specific? ;-) }

Maybe it was because you were constantly worried about how much milk your baby was getting and the stress was too much to handle.  Or maybe the hormones from breastfeeding were giving you constant yeast infections.

ISOBANOUF Mama, I want to tell you that no matter what your reason is--you're still a good mama--a GREAT mama even!  You looked at your family's situation and made the best choice.  Please don't let other breast feeding mamas make you feel like less of a mama.

ISOBANOUF Mama, I'm proud of you for taking care of your baby.  I'm proud of you for not judging others whose decisions differ from yours.  I'm proud of you for swallowing your pride and for loving other whose strong opinions make you want to cry or scream.

Initially-Started-Out-Breastfeeding-and-Now-Only-Use-Formula Mama, whatever brought you to this place is ok.  As you wash that bottle for the hundredth time and scoop that sixtieth scoop of formula, pray over your little one and praise the Lord that he is growing health and strong.

Love,
Mary

Dear Plan-Making Mama

Dear Plan-Making Mama,

Before we became mamas, we had these things called 'plans.'  I've learned through the years that the Lord usually gets a good chuckle when He hears them and that plans rarely go as planned.  For some reason in my naiveté, I thought my plans would suddenly start working perfectly since I planned them for my child.

I bet you've made some plans of your own.  If you're like me, the minute you insisted on seeing the baby's gender at 20 weeks (or for some of you, sooner), you've been making plans.  You already had established a plan for what you would and wouldn't eat while growing a human.  You began researching and putting together your "birthing plan," and you more than likely planned how cute your baby's nursery would be and added a few coats of paint to the walls.

In addition to those plans, I also decided to throw in two more:
Breastfeeding and cloth diapering (cloth diapering is pretty ok).

Breastfeeding was going decent, though I was aware my child wasn't gaining weight as rapidly as his buddies.  But still, I continued on with my plan--after all, my plan was to BF for six months and then add solid food and continue BFing for a year, and by-golly, I was sticking to it!

Plan-Making Mama, be careful.  You might think your plan is awesome, but be careful.  With my plan-blinders on, I continued nursing exclusively.  When my son's weight was below average at his four month check up, I plowed on, vowing to add in some pumping and nurse more frequently in order to help pack on some pounds and ounces.

Unfortunately, my plan didn't work.  My boy became increasingly more irritable which I thought was just teething pain and tummy pain--as it turns out, he wasn't getting enough calories in the day.  The recent night-waking I attributed to teething, was actually cries for calories.

Plan-Making Mama, my heart hurts.  I thought my plans were the best, but they were not.  My sweet boy has been getting supplemental formula for a week now and has gotten so much happier.  While this wasn't the way I had planned things, I am confident it IS what is best for my baby.

Plan-Making Mama, don't be afraid (or too stubborn) to change your plan.  After all, plans rarely go as planned.  Remember that two hour nap you had planned for your baby to take this afternoon?  See what I mean?

Have you had any failed plans, Plan-Making Mama?

Love,
Mary

food & clothing

Food

I'd like to introduce you to a website that was super amazing when we were brand new parents.

 

My cousin introduced us and got us set up with this little gem.  If you feel like people are offering to bring you a meal, but want to know who is organizing your meals, you simply direct them to your meal train where they can click on a date on the calendar, sign up, and post what they'll be bringing.  This avoids lots of stress on you as the new mommy as well as avoiding receiving 20 lasagnas.  You can list your favorite foods and any food allergies, along with the best time of evening to bring the meal.  

When my cousin set me up, she set it up for every other night which was helpful since people tend to bring more food than needed, so it avoids getting loads of leftovers in your fridge that you'll have to thrown out later.

We didn't realize how helpful meals would be until we were hungry and trying to juggle or new baby while trying to prepare dinner.  Trust me, you'll love it.

Clothing

I'm not a big shopper, but I did stumble across a new favorite item of clothing at Old Navy recently.
Ordinarily I'm a big camisole wearer.  They're perfect for extending a shirt either on top or bottom, but while breastfeeding, it's too much to deal with the extra bra section in the camis while nursing.  Here is the perfect alternative that is SO comfortable, reasonably affordable, and most important slim/thin and a perfect replacement for the breastfeeding mama.

 

I think they're currently $8 when you buy 2 or more.

P.S. Found this pin on that was helpful for breastfeeding and would have been nice to read in the beginning: Breastfeeding Timeline

Dear Discouraged Breast-Feeding Mama

 Dear Discouraged Breast-Feeding Mama,

There are several things that could have brought you to your feelings of discouragement.

Maybe you feel like all your other friends are using formula and you're the only hippie trying to feed your baby with your own body.  You're not alone.

Maybe you feel nervous about breastfeeding in front of your friends or in public places.  Stick with it.  Practice using a cover at home and you'll soon be nursing in many different places.  While some of you might even get bold enough to nurse ANYWHERE, I am not.  However, keep in mind that fitting rooms don't have to just be for trying on clothes and that sitting in your parked car with a nursing cover can be pretty discrete.  Did you know that Babies R Us has a nursing room!?  Other places have these too.

Maybe you feel like your child cries a lot and the culprit must be your milk supply.  Before giving up on nursing, consider these things.  Is your baby having a lot of wet and dirty diapers?  Is your baby gaining weight appropriately?  Is your baby sleep deprived rather than milk deprived?

Maybe your pediatrician is pressuring you to use formula because he knows formula gets the job done.  Ask questions.  Find out what he thinks is concerning and look for ways you can fix it.  Milk doesn't just "dry up" if you're consistently nursing.  Make sure you're eating well, drinking lots of water, and taking your vitamins.

Maybe when you pump you don't get enough milk.  Know this: pumping is not an accurate measurement of your actual milk supply.  Do some research on pumping techniques and durations before you get too discouraged.  Babies are much more efficient than pumps.

Maybe you need to see a lactation consultant.  Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt.  It's better to ask for help, than to just assume your baby and you are never going to find a groove.  You will.  Give it at least 3 months.

Maybe you're frustrated that this "natural" thing doesn't seem natural at all.  It gets easier.  Eventually it will feel natural.  If it doesn't after a few months, do some extra research or ask for help from an LC.

Maybe you feel like you're going to go broke buying nursing pads and that you're constantly leaking milk.  After a couple months your body adjusts to your baby's needs.  It gets better.

Maybe you're burnt out on being the only one that is responsible for feeding your baby.  Take heart, with practice you can improve your pumping skills and take off a feeding or two.  Or maybe you can handle all the feedings as long as you let someone else help out with diaper changes, night-time routines, and play times.

Discouraged Breast-Feeding Mama, please stick with it.  Maybe there's another reason that's got you down, but remember, the more you stick with it, the less bottles you have to wash!  Also, the less supplies you have to pack in the diaper bag, the less formula you'll have to pay for and scoop, and the less illness you'll potentially have to deal with.

I don't know if you've figured this out by now, but Discouraged Breast-Feeding Mama, I've been discouraged by almost all of those things and I'm choosing to stick with it and learn as I go.  Breastfeeding takes support from those around you, so make sure to get some support and give it too.

Lexington-area mamas, you can find support here.  And all mamas can find support here.

Take care,
Mary

the ebb & flow of sleep scheduling

After a lot of trial and error and a lot of crankiness from my baby, we tried to put a schedule in to place.  Some days it works like a dream, other days it doesn't, but it has helped lengthen naps most of the time, so it was worth my effort.

Some sleep tips I've compiled from books that have been helpful in gaining perspective:
1.  "Junk food is not healthy for our bodies.  Neither is a "junk sleep" schedule.  You try not to let your child become overly hungry, so don't let your child become overly tired." Dr. Marc Weissbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby

2.  Your aim should be to never let a baby under 6 months be awake for more than 2 hours.  More than that and they end up "over tired" and sleep worse.

3.  Babies who are overtired may not scream (like my son), but they will struggle to get good sleep and feel rested and happy. 

4.  Many times my son will be crying because he is tired, yet people mistake it as hungry, which can be discouraging as a breast-feeding mom.  I'm almost always secretly concerned as to whether or not my son has gotten enough milk.

5.  It's best to avoid using sleep props (i.e. rocking and/or nursing to sleep, always giving paci, a long ritual before sleep).  These things hinder baby from learning to fall asleep on his or her own.  Sleep skills are vitally important.

6.  Following something similar to the E.A.S.Y. plan that Tracy Hogg lays out in her book, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, is a good idea.  It disassociates eating with sleeping as to not create dependency on eating in order to be able to sleep.

7.  I was worried (as I'm sure many people are) that if baby was sleeping "too well" during the day, that he would not sleep at night.  Through my reading, I've discovered the contrary to be true.  The better day sleep baby gets, the better his night sleep.

Through all the reading a perusing, I'm still unsure of all the ends and outs of sleep.  But I do think it's actually a lot more important than most people think.  Finding a good ebb and flow of getting out and about with baby and allowing him to get healthy sleep is trick and is an art I am still learning.

nothing could have prepared me

BREASTFEEDING

This has had a pretty large learning curve for me, but it's something to which I'm committed.  I have learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn.  {kellymom.com has been a good resource}

If you choose to breastfeed and really choose to stick with it, know this:  It's going to be an emotional commitment and more of a time commitment than you might expect.  Especially within the first six weeks.

In the beginning of my baby's life I spent about 15-20 minutes nursing on each side {left and right breast--totally 30-40 minutes}.  Looking back on it I think I could have easily spent longer, but I was not mentally prepared for the time commitment.  Read-up in books ahead of time about latching and burping--two very important aspects to good feedings.

Once baby becomes more efficient extracting milk, feedings will shrink in length to around 10 minutes per side, totaling 20 minutes.  I've been told that babies are able to "drain a breast" within 5-7 minutes, so potentially in future months feedings could total 10-15 minutes.  However, don't rush this.  I'm 4 months in and finding that I might have been rushing my baby on accident and he ended up getting less milk than he actually wanted.

As far as duration between feedings--it's a personal choice.  Generally hospitals will advise you to nurse every 3 hours.  Sometimes that works and sometimes it would be wiser to nurse more frequently during the day to encourage longer stretches of sleep at night.  Babies need between 25-30ozs of breast milk per day.

In the future, I will choice to start out nursing every two hours.  With my first I tried two and a half.  Some of my friends nurse as frequently as every half hour to hour.  There's no rule.