six things to avoid saying/asking to a new mom {and our upcoming family of four}

I've been recalling a lot of old memories of having a newborn lately.  In part because a billion women I know are popping them out left and right, but also in part because I decided to join them. 
Suprise!
We're expecting our second baby this coming May!

 

 

In honor of this exciting news, I'd like to give you a slightly sarcastic, possibly too blunt list of things new moms don't want to hear or be asked.

1. Is he sleeping ok?
   Um, no, he's a newborn.  He's up every couple hours and we're both exhausted, but thanks for reminding me.  Instead consider asking how long his stretches of sleep are and then encourage the mom that it is a great number no matter what it is.
2. Is he a good baby?
   What does that even mean?  If he's not good does that mean he's bad?  Does God make bad babies?  If I answer no, will you go trade him out for a good one?  I hear you only have 90 days with a gift receipt.  How about commenting about how calm and sweet he is being and if you could come over again another day and take him for a walk (then you can judge for yourself if he's a good baby.)
3. You look tired.  Are you getting enough sleep?
   No, I'm probably not.  I have a newborn, remember?  You're welcome to come hold my sweet kid for a couple of hours while I take a nap.  Except no mom will come out and say that, so you should offer to do it.  And don't be vague and ask about coming over sometime...ask if you can come over tomorrow at 2pm.
4. Enjoy this time, they grow up so fast, they'll be in college before you know it.
   I'm 100% sure you are right.  But right now these past 2 hours have been exhausting and he doesn't look any bigger and he's been crying for 30 minutes.  It's ok if I occasionally wish him a little older.  Maybe you should recall to yourself how it feels like yesterday that your kids were this little and you remember how it can sometimes feel like the days drag on forever.
5. You just wait until he starts doing this or that, it is so much funnier/cuter/better than what he is doing now. 
   Ok, so maybe you don't say it quite like that, but that's how we hear it.  Be nice, our hormones are wacky and we're still not confident we're not screwing it up.  Instead try to be in the moment with me.  I haven't experienced a messy blowout yet, so let me tell my story without you one-upping me about the bigger and better blowout your child once had.  Make me feel like my kid is the coolest thing since sliced bread.
6. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you.
   Look, I'm not going to do that.  Not only am I exhausted and barely hanging on for dear life, I would also feel rude and weird calling you up to ask you to come load my dishwasher.  Please just take the initiative (if your offer was serious) and do it.  Call ME and ask if now would be an ok time to come vacuum.  We'd love to just answer the phone and say, yes, now would be a good time, thank you!

I could probably keep going.  And I kind of wish I could keep going for at least four more to have nice round list of ten, but six will have to do for now.  And it should be noted that I'm totally guilty of some of these myself, but it's a good reminder for all of us.  Being a mom is hard.  Living on little sleep is the worst.  Hopefully you enjoyed it and were reminded a little too.  

Have a great weekend.
Love,
Mary