Friday, November 14, 2014

my dirty little secret

I've debated and thought and pondered about this post.
And here I am.  Ready to tell my dirty little secret.

I have an auto immune disease. 

Some of you know this.
Some of you know that I just don't eat gluten anymore because "I have stomach problems," but my diagnosis is Ulcerative Colitis. 
(You've probably heard of Crohn's disease...mine is similar, but a little different.)
I didn't always suffer from its symptoms (but as I understand it, it's always there, just laying dormant/in remission.) 
My sweet darling boys both sent me into a flair up of the disease during their births and my postpartum recovery, stress, and not sleeping through the night. 
Stress is a HUGE hindrance to me feeling well.  

Sometimes I feel like a SUPER lazy mom.  Especially when I was raising Sam (the first born) I felt like I just couldn't get my act together.  It wasn't until my pregnancy with my second born that I started to take my situation a little more seriously.  Partly because my doctors wanted to put me on lots of expensive medications for the rest of my life, partly because I was tired of taking the medications and the various routes they entered my body, and partly because they were SOOOO expensive.  I was not ok with paying over $100 a month for medication that was only somewhat relieving my symptoms and that I was told I would need to take FOR-EV-ER. (Sandlot, anybody?)

So I started researching and trying different things.  Especially when my gastroenterologist tried to scare me by telling me my unborn child was not going to absorb nutrients and could die.  Thanks a lot, guy.  Luckily, my OB settled me down, assuring me that he was being, shall we say, dramatic!!!

So here I am. 
Trying to figure out my life with this disease that I've only recently come to terms with.  It took me awhile to absorb the words "chronic disease."  I still believe in a God who is bigger than anything chronic and I pray for healing daily. 

He has answered a short-term prayer because I have been off gluten for several months now and taking smaller doses of one of my medicines and have stopped taking the other one.  I think I am in remission and feel stronger than I have in quite a while. 

I still struggle with feeling like a lazy mama.  I still feel guilty when I utilize my mom and MIL to watch my kids while I have a day off.  But I have to remind myself that rest is SUPER important for healing and that I can't be a good mama if I'm always feeling sick.

Thank you for listening to my tale.  It may be one you never wanted to know, but I feel auto immune diseases are becoming so common and that we need to start speaking out and sharing so that we can all feel more peace on a daily basis. 

Striving to serve The Prince of Peace,

P.S.  Any other autoimmune sufferers out there!?