What Came After

...a follow up to Sammy's birth story.

I wish I could tell you that after Sam was born I kissed his head, cuddled him tight and he drifted off into an unencumbered slumber for hours.  I wish I could tell you that he latched perfectly with little effort and breastfeeding was painless and luxurious.  I wish I could tell you that I hopped out of my hospital bed into the shower, cleaned up, put on make-up, and welcomed hundreds of guests with open arms.  I wish I could tell you life became blissful.

...but alas.  I can not tell you those things.  I am not a liar.

Becoming a parent was nothing like I imagined when I was a 'Still in the Belly Baby Mama.'  I struggled to get out of my hospital bed because of the magnesium and being bed ridden for three days.  I struggled to stand in the shower and clean off and I really didn't like the idea of visitors while I was still swollen, exhausted, and getting into the swing of nursing.

Sam's second night in the hospital was long!  He had stayed in the nursery the previous night and his second night, he was by my side.  By Divine intervention, most of the night is a hazy memory, but I remember a lot of crying.  At one point, Lee J, who is not used to hearing kids cry like I am from my child care days, hopped up from his sleeping and was so frustrated because of the crying.  He was mad.  At one point I really thought he was going to walk out on Sam and me for good (not that he would EVER do that, but sleep deprivation is a crazy thing.)  Thankfully, I talked him down and he then, consoled me too.  Marriage is awesome like that.  We ended up taking turns holding Sam while sleeping and miraculously made it through the night!  Praise the Lord.

Four days after we initially checked into the hospital, we were discharged.  We were very relieved to finally be able to go home.  Home was a struggle, we had a big learning curve ahead of us, but it was home none-the-less.  Family was there to greet us and help us get settled and our dog, Truck, finally got to meet Sam.
If you're wondering about our dog introduction, we had my parents bring home a blanket with Sam's scent on it ahead of time and let Truck have it and get used to it.  Then when we brought him home, we let Truck sniff him for awhile and he seemed to be satisfied.  He did really well with the adjustment.

The days to follow were very hard.  I never realized that such a tiny thing could make such gigantic noises--and at all hours of the day and night.

Now that I am out of the fog of caring for a colicky baby, I am able to admit that my baby was colicky.  In a way, I'm glad I didn't admit it while it was happening because I don't think I would have worked so hard to stop his crying.  By not admitting it, I was always trying to help him feel better and be at peace...so...as terrible as the beginning was, I'm grateful it turned out the way it did.

When I was working at the day care, I had some SUPER challenging kids in my very first class.  I was able to survive those days through blood, sweat, and tears (literally) and every other class seemed like a breeze.  That's kind of how it has turned out with Sam, too.  Once we made it through the super challenging first few months, everything else has seemed doubly good.  And we are still indescribably grateful for the mercy and grace that God pours into our home and hearts each and every day.

Sammy's Birth Story

It has been 9 and a half months since Sam came into the world--a perfect time as any to document Sammy's birth story.  So, here goes!
(WARNING:  This story is really long.  I didn't try to shorten it, because, well, I want to remember it!)

Friday:  Here I am on December 30th--my due date (Friday, 40 weeks.)  Notice something?  That's right, I'm not at the hospital...I'm at home, in my gym shorts, taking pictures, NOT in labor.  Fast forward to Monday at my 'baby doctor' appointment where I am still showing very few signs of labor.  My very kind doctor tells me if I don't go into labor before Wednesday, then he will induce me Wednesday night.  I am happy to finally have a definite time to get this baby out.

Wednesday night:  I still had not had anything close to labor pains.  And once I finally did realize what a contraction felt like, I knew I had only had a few in the past week--like maybe three.  Lee J & I eat some dinner, (what will turn out to be the only solid food I have until Saturday!) calmly pack our bag into the car and head to the hospital to be admitted and induced.  I check in and get settled into my room.  The nurse checks me to see if I'm dilated and notices my blood pressure is a little high.  My doctor comes in about 9:00pm and separates the membrane that connects the amniotic sac to the wall of the uterus (strips the membranes) in hopes to begin labor.  And the only thing that happens is my blood pressure continues to be a little high and labor does not begin.  I am started on a slow Pitocin drip--a small amount.  And oh yeah, my contractions are now present, but pathetically tiny.

Thursday morning:  My doctor revisits me in the morning and breaks my water.  Because my blood pressure remains high, they decide to put me on a magnesium drip.  Had I known the ramifications of that, I would have begged and pleaded they not use it.  "Mag" (Magnesium) is a soft muscle relaxer and from this point until delivery, I had to have a catheter.  YUCK!

So just to be clear.  At this point, I am now in a hospital gown with a central line IV in my arm pumping me with "Pit" and "Mag."  I have two monitors on my gigantic belly monitoring the fetal heart beat and the contractions.  I also have a blood pressure cuff on my arm automatically taking my BP every 30 minutes and a catheter taped down my leg.  I pretty much look like Frankenstein(ish).

 My birth plan is not going as planned, but we're just rollin' with it.  By now my contractions are moderate but the Mag and Pit are doing a decent job cancelling each other out and nothing much is changing.  The nurse increases the Pit and it actually starts making the contractions become smaller, rather than larger.  My body is just really not wanting to have this baby yet!!!

Thursday evening:  The push and pull of the Mag and Pit have finally made some progress on the contractions and my blood pressure is being managed well, too.  However, the pain is increasing more and more.  Due to all the aforementioned things attached to me, I am not able to do much of anything to work through the pain on my own.  I request an epidural.

The downside of being at a teaching hospital is I allowed a student to administer my epidural.  She didn't get it on the first try--and I swear I heard the needle scraping on my vertebrae.  It was slightly horrible, but once it was in place, life was good.

Thursday night: The night was long, but I was able to get more sleep than I did Wednesday night because I had gotten use to my environment.  The hard part was the continuous BP monitoring and now, I had the added bonus of med students doing "Mag" tests every few hours.  However, sometime during the middle of my foggy, hazy night, I began writhing in pain from back labor.  My favorite person in the hospital, the anesthesiologist, came to relieve the pain I was having in my back.  I don't remember what it felt like, but I remember it felt awful.  I was moaning and groaning and I think I was scaring Lee J a little bit.  It was not fun.

Friday morning:  This day was just a continuation of waiting and trying to get dilated to the full 10 cm.  Each time they increased my Pitocin drip my contractions would become erratic.  I would have crazy-big contractions close together and then they would spread out and get smaller.  I really had the nurses stumped!  During this time, I wanted to give my family something excited to think about since they had been waiting patiently in the lobby for the large majority of this time.  We announced the name of our baby which we had previously kept private: Samuel James--they were thrilled to have a name to begin praying over as we all eagerly awaited our son's arrival.

Friday afternoon:  By this point things were starting to get exciting.  My doctor had come to check on me a few times and I am dilating more and more.  At about 4:30 I am told it is time to push.  I have been easing up on the epidural a little and can feel the contractions pretty well.  I push and push.  And at one point I remember telling the nurse that I am done and that I don't want to do it anymore.  I am mostly serious.  But, alas, I continue to push.  This is largely in part because the nurse agrees to get me a Popsicle as soon as he comes out.  All I have eaten since Wednesday evening is ice chips and a Popsicle sounds like fine dining to me!

Friday evening:  During the pushing my nurse says she can see his hair!  And she lets Lee J touch his little folded ear!  (She offers me a mirror and I politely decline!)  A few more pushes and an hour and a half later and Sammy J breathes his first breath at 5:56pm!  I get to hold him for a little bit and then they take him to clean him off, weigh him, stamp his feet, take his blood, poke him, and prod him.  They have to monitor him a little bit closer because of me being on the magnesium drip.  Thankfully, everything checks out just fine!  Eight pounds, five ounces, twenty one and a half inches long.  Perfect.  Thank you, Jesus.  Our family is one larger.

I'm considering writing my next post on what happens next--that is if I can get permission from my husband to tell his side of the story!
Here it is!

my bags are packed and i'm ready to go

Well with FOUR ladies I know having babies this November, I thought it seemed appropriate for me to recount my days in the hospital and the first few days postpartum.  Well, not the days, so much, as the STUFF I used during those days.

With out further ado, here are two lists.
Things marked with an asterisk (*) are those items which I did not bring/have, but will bring or have ready next time!

for the hospital

• chapstick
• hair ties 
• sweatpants/t-shirt/flip-flops (going home outfit for your not-yet-normal body)
• an extra bag for all the things the hospital sends home
• a "going home" outfit for baby (a warm one!)
• a laptop for music/social media/entertainment (Netflix)
• hairbrush (and other toiletries, though my hospital provided the basic ones--you may want your own)
• breath mints
• food for hubby (or 'coach'...you can't eat, but your spouse needs to so he can be strong for you!)
• Depends adult diapers or large-super heavy flow pads* (in case you haven't been informed, there's a lot of blood during and after--a lot)
• nursing sleep bra (next time I will probably bring a nursing tank instead)
• button down flannel shirt for me, the mama, for convenient nursing and modest visitations*
• Boppy pillow* (...meant to, but forgot...it wasn't a must-have, though)
• a baby blanket!*
• a fun baby hat* (yes, the hospital provides a hat, but I wish I had pictures with a cute hat)
• a fun blanket for me, the mama, so that I don't feel so hospital-y and exposed in my gown*
• possibly a robe* (I could take it or leave it, but most people take it!)

My hospital provided a baby shirt, baby hat, baby blanket (not to keep), diapers, wipes, tiny baby bath, Vaseline, nursing pads, Lanolin cream, a manual breast pump, Sitz bath, squirt bottles, ice packs, mesh panties (ask for extra, esp. if you have a c-section, so I'm told), and socks (along with more stuff I'm sure I'm not remembering).

for the master bathroom

• towels that are not your fancy ones--a stack of them
• a nail or hook in the wall to hang aforementioned Sitz bath bag!
• witch hazel pads 
• the Sitz bath you brought from the hospital
• the squirt bottle you brought from the hospital
• flushable wipes
• more giant pads or Depends and then eventually long panty liners
• good quality toilet paper

Childbirth can be a bit traumatic for your body (go figure!) and pushing a baby out of it, leaves it a bit of a mess.  The better you take care of business, the quicker you heal and the faster you get back to feeling like you.  Do your Sitz bath!  You'll thank me later.

What other things did you find to be "must haves" at the hospital?

We're praying for you Kelly, Sarah, Christina, & Meagan!  Good luck next month!

The ABCs of a C-Section

A guest post by a mother whom I trust, love, and admire-- my sister, Sarah Quezada.

Some people plan to have C-sections, but most of us don’t. Most of us have different ideas about how our birth experience will play out.

For me, I had planned to enter into peaceful labor in the comfort of my own home. Then, once I realized the contractions warranted a trip to the hospital, I planned to spin in panicked circles in my living room, repeating, “It’s time! It’s time!” I would chastise myself for procrastinating packing my bag and hop in my car overwhelmed with tingling excitement.

But when I needed to be induced, my story began very differently. And eight hours later, when the doctor pulled a chair up by my bed and said I needed a C-section, it continued down an unexpected path.

Here are somethings I learned in the process:

A – Action
A quiet nurse leaned over me and said, “Now that the decision’s been made, everything will happen quickly. It doesn’t mean there’s an emergency or your baby is in danger. It’s just how we do it.” As teams of strangers poured into the room, skipping introductions and wheeling me away, I was so appreciative of her assurance not to worry.

B – Boldness
Once, while getting a bridesmaid dress altered, I felt the seamstress had pinned it too short. When she asked me, though, I said, “That’s fine.” I similarly struggled with boldness with my anesthesiologist. When they ask you what you can feel, be honest! Trust me. I ended up having some unfortunate problems when my epidural wasn’t working properly.

C – Section
My husband sat by my head, whispering encouragement to me, which was such a comfort. My doctors talked about their daughters’ basketball games, which was a strangely wonderful distraction. It was not at all the natural childbirth I had learned about in my birthing classes, but we were having a baby!

D – Drugs
Drugs are good. One nurse after surgery made me feel like I was a drug addict whenever I requested pain medication. She made me so nervous I tried to stop asking! Looking back, I would’ve had my husband stay on top of my medication and never felt bad asking for the strongest ones available. I have sometimes wondered how much my pain limited my capacity to deal with some difficult circumstances early in my daughter’s life.

E – Expectations
People have asked me if I felt like I failed because I had a C-section, but I don’t think so. I know there’s controversy about legitimate need for many C-sections, but in the moment, I made the best decision that I could for my daughter under pressure and with the given information. Still, I later did need to mourn the loss of my expectations. I never got to shout, “It’s time!” I never chewed ice chips or executed funky breathing rhythms. Because of my anesthesia issue, I wasn’t even really awake when my daughter entered the world, and I didn’t get to hold her. These expectations all changed, and I think it’s okay to mourn those losses.

My daughter is almost two years old now! And at the end of the day, her birth story was only about five days of all that we’ve experienced together. Was it exactly what I planned? Nope. But I’m so grateful for her presence and life. The entrance was simply details.

I hope our experience helps you if you ever find yourself in the midst of the unexpected.    

Sarah Quezada lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband Billy and daughter Gabriella. She blogs about their multicultural family life at A Life with Subtitles. She also works with Mission Year, a year-long volunteer program. You can find her on Twitter @SarahQuezada.
 

food & clothing

Food

I'd like to introduce you to a website that was super amazing when we were brand new parents.

 

My cousin introduced us and got us set up with this little gem.  If you feel like people are offering to bring you a meal, but want to know who is organizing your meals, you simply direct them to your meal train where they can click on a date on the calendar, sign up, and post what they'll be bringing.  This avoids lots of stress on you as the new mommy as well as avoiding receiving 20 lasagnas.  You can list your favorite foods and any food allergies, along with the best time of evening to bring the meal.  

When my cousin set me up, she set it up for every other night which was helpful since people tend to bring more food than needed, so it avoids getting loads of leftovers in your fridge that you'll have to thrown out later.

We didn't realize how helpful meals would be until we were hungry and trying to juggle or new baby while trying to prepare dinner.  Trust me, you'll love it.

Clothing

I'm not a big shopper, but I did stumble across a new favorite item of clothing at Old Navy recently.
Ordinarily I'm a big camisole wearer.  They're perfect for extending a shirt either on top or bottom, but while breastfeeding, it's too much to deal with the extra bra section in the camis while nursing.  Here is the perfect alternative that is SO comfortable, reasonably affordable, and most important slim/thin and a perfect replacement for the breastfeeding mama.

 

I think they're currently $8 when you buy 2 or more.

P.S. Found this pin on that was helpful for breastfeeding and would have been nice to read in the beginning: Breastfeeding Timeline

the day has come

I feel like there's very few resources that fully prepare a woman for the reality of labor.  Partly because everybody labors differently and partly because probably women wouldn't want to have babies if they knew what they had to go through in order to have one.

Right after my son was born I was determined to tell every friend of mine who had not yet given birth all the dirty details.  Four months have past and already I've forgot several of them.  Perhaps that's why all the dirty little secrets of child birth are kept in the dark.

I think the main things to remember when the day comes are:
1.  Have a plan and know on which things you will not compromise.
2.  Accept that your plan may not (and probably won't) go according to plans.
3.  Child birth is a lot of work and is no where close to how it looks on tv (and in my case much much longer labor.)  In fact, I would say the only thing that's the same is the sweat.

Helpful things for the hospital:
1. Pack less than you think you'll need, b/c you'll mostly be wearing a hospital gown.
2. Remember that you can't eat (and your breath will stink) so be prepared to brush your teeth (and in my case, in bed with a cup of water and a spit pan).
3. Remember that your husband (or coach) can eat.  Bring easy food for him--and caffeine.
4. Hairbrush and hair ties.
5.  I wish I had brought a cute hat and maybe a blanket of our own just to have cute pictures (not a biggie at all though).
6.  Decide beforehand if you want to pay for hospital pictures or have someone else take them later--it's hard to say no when you've just fallen in love.
7.  Laptop/smartphone to update people because if you don't contact friends and family they'll go crazy.
8. Unless you want to depress yourself (or you're the exception to the rule who springs back immediately), pack sweatpants or gym shorts and sandals to go home in.  Your belly won't be as flat as you had hoped and your feet will be swollen like jello.

Good luck when your special, life-changing day comes!
Love,
Mary