Friday, November 14, 2014

my dirty little secret

I've debated and thought and pondered about this post.
And here I am.  Ready to tell my dirty little secret.

I have an auto immune disease. 

Some of you know this.
Some of you know that I just don't eat gluten anymore because "I have stomach problems," but my diagnosis is Ulcerative Colitis. 
(You've probably heard of Crohn's disease...mine is similar, but a little different.)
I didn't always suffer from its symptoms (but as I understand it, it's always there, just laying dormant/in remission.) 
My sweet darling boys both sent me into a flair up of the disease during their births and my postpartum recovery, stress, and not sleeping through the night. 
Stress is a HUGE hindrance to me feeling well.  

Sometimes I feel like a SUPER lazy mom.  Especially when I was raising Sam (the first born) I felt like I just couldn't get my act together.  It wasn't until my pregnancy with my second born that I started to take my situation a little more seriously.  Partly because my doctors wanted to put me on lots of expensive medications for the rest of my life, partly because I was tired of taking the medications and the various routes they entered my body, and partly because they were SOOOO expensive.  I was not ok with paying over $100 a month for medication that was only somewhat relieving my symptoms and that I was told I would need to take FOR-EV-ER. (Sandlot, anybody?)

So I started researching and trying different things.  Especially when my gastroenterologist tried to scare me by telling me my unborn child was not going to absorb nutrients and could die.  Thanks a lot, guy.  Luckily, my OB settled me down, assuring me that he was being, shall we say, dramatic!!!

So here I am. 
Trying to figure out my life with this disease that I've only recently come to terms with.  It took me awhile to absorb the words "chronic disease."  I still believe in a God who is bigger than anything chronic and I pray for healing daily. 

He has answered a short-term prayer because I have been off gluten for several months now and taking smaller doses of one of my medicines and have stopped taking the other one.  I think I am in remission and feel stronger than I have in quite a while. 

I still struggle with feeling like a lazy mama.  I still feel guilty when I utilize my mom and MIL to watch my kids while I have a day off.  But I have to remind myself that rest is SUPER important for healing and that I can't be a good mama if I'm always feeling sick.

Thank you for listening to my tale.  It may be one you never wanted to know, but I feel auto immune diseases are becoming so common and that we need to start speaking out and sharing so that we can all feel more peace on a daily basis. 

Striving to serve The Prince of Peace,

P.S.  Any other autoimmune sufferers out there!?

1 comment:

  1. Just left a comment, but I don't think it published... It is a very hard thing to come to terms with. I was diagnosed one year ago, after two years of symptoms. I must have been at risk for developing it already, and then during my second pregnancy I had a period of extremely high stress and that brought on my first flare. Now looking into all kinds of natural ways to reverse autoimmunity, but diet hasn't helped so far so I'm feeling discouraged.