Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama, (part 2)

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

I wrote you a little note recently that might have made you mad, or it might have made you think.  Or maybe you didn't even read it. (Here it is, if that is the case.)  I just wanted to share a little follow up to let you know what I think...hopefully not in an OVERLY opinionated way, but in just a sharing and caring kind of way.

I hope to hit the major points that I have found to be hugely controversial throughout parents that I've encountered either on the web or in real life.  Ready?  Here we go.

Breastfeeding.  Yay or nay?  

Yay.  I believe in the benefits of it and hope to be an encouragement to others who want to try.  However, I also believe that some mamas just don't have the lifestyle to support it and it is more stress and guilt for the mama than it is a benefit for the baby.  So if it works, great...stick with it for more than a month if you can...and if it doesn't work out, that's fine too.  One mom isn't better than another because of it.

Co-sleeping.  Yay or nay?
Yay and nay.  HA!  I remember those sleepy, hazy first days with my baby.  And if you're able to nurse in the night, it's pretty easy to start co-sleeping, because who wants to be moving so much in the middle of the night!?  Not me.  However, as it turns out, our kiddo was a SUPER loud sleeper.  He was getting way more sleep than mama, so we transitioned him into his room about 4 weeks in so we could get some sleep!

I'm hesitant to support co-sleeping when it involves promoting snacking all through the night or when it extends for several months or years.  I am not a supporter of "the family bed."  Call me crazy, but my bed is for me and my husband.  It's good for our marriage and establishing limits with our kids.

Baby-wearing.  Yay or nay?

Yay.  I love it in theory and I tried to do it a lot.  However, I feel like I actually didn't do it that much with my first due to sleep-deprivation and being so sore all the time.  My back couldn't handle it.  My sister swears by the Ergo carrier.  I used two different carriers.  I will probably try to borrow her Ergo a little bit next time!  However, the free hand baby carrier was fantastic because it was well supportive like the Ergo, but allowed baby to sit in a comfortable forward-facing position!  That's so hard to find, as most carriers just end up letting baby hang off the front of mama.  This one got baby in a bit of a seated position!  (Baby can face mama, face out, and even go on mama's back with this carrier!  Very versatile.)

And of course, who doesn't love a good Moby wrap.  Lots of fabric, lots of wrapping, but allowed me to feel like my baby was very secure and is great for little snugly babies.  I've heard good things about the ka'tan carrier, but haven't tried it!

Pacifiers.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  Or more like, heck yeah!  The only thing we chose not to do is go back in his room and put it back in his mouth when he was little bitty.  If it helped him fall asleep, great.  But we didn't want to train him that when it came out, mom and dad came back in the room.  We wanted to encourage sleeping independently.  (That's not to say there weren't times we did anything and everything just to help him sleep!!!)  My little man didn't seem to have any probably nursing because of the paci and the benefit I found was when he just wanted to nurse to stay asleep I could swap in the paci and put him down to sleep instead of allowing him to sleep-nurse.

Cloth diapering. Yay or nay?
Yay...I guess.  We have cloth diapers.  We use them sometimes.  But we usually go in phases.   We'll do disposable for a month or two and then do cloth for a month or two.  I guess, maybe sadly, we don't do it for the environment, but more so just to save money.  So every time I use them I am saving money, but I don't stress if we use disposables for awhile.  I really don't think one is better parenting choice than the other...just maybe more economical.

CIO.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  While the cry-it-out method can be heart-breaking at times.  I disagree with those who argue babies don't cry unless they need something.  Well, I guess I only sort of disagree.  Sometimes babies just cry because they are TIRED (or over-tired) and I think it's important that they learn how to settle themselves down and go to sleep on their own.  I like sleep.  I like being able to have a break from my child.  I like teaching my child self-sufficiency and independence.

Scheduling.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  I think what I've learned from having a tiny baby that has grown in to a "big boy" is that in the beginning it's a little more easy to be flexible.  Babies have so many growth spurts and it's hard to schedule feedings when your little one wants to eat ravenously all the time.  But once he's grown up a little bit he likes knowing what's coming.

When I worked with toddlers in a child care center for almost 3 years, I found that they LOVED knowing what was coming next.  Kids expect routines and knowing what's coming next helps them feel like they have a little control in their life (which is a major thing when a kiddo turns two.)

Plus, let's be real, I'm a planner like my mom.  I like knowing I will have a predictable break in my day where I will be able to get things done that I can't do while caring for a child--or sometimes just take a nap!

___________________________________________________________________________________

Did I cover all the major ones?  I know you may not care about my opinions, but I think it's important to realize that some moms can value attachment-parent stances as well as the opposite.  We don't all have to be extremest when raising children.  A lot of things won't irreparably damage your child.

I think one of the biggest things to remember when parenting is whether or not you've prayed about it.  God was a dad, too.  He may not have had to figure out sleep-scheduling with His baby, Jesus, but He knows how you feel.  Jesus experienced real human emotion.  He struggled in every way.  He is SUPER wise.

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

Love,
Mary

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

I'm going to do my best to keep my cool while I compose this letter, because I know, at times, all of us mamas can be overly-opinionated about one thing or another.

However, over the past year and a half of parenting my dear one, you have gotten on my nerves a time or two.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  And I'm writing you this letter just in case you don't realize what you're doing to me and other moms.

You're hurting us with your super strong, often narrow view of how a mama should raise her baby.
You make us feel inadequate.
You make us feel like we're doing it wrong.
You make us feel like we're going to irreparably screw up our off spring.

I know that you have articles to back up your perspective on parenting.  It's been made clear that you think letting a baby cry it out will screw them up in the long run.   It's no secret that you think breastfeeding is the best feeding (and you're right, but sometimes some moms don't or can't breastfeed and they are still great mamas.)

And what about those of you who are in the opposing camp to the attachment parents?  You don't even get a name!  Not fair!  I suppose you could be called "Baby Wise" mamas, or "Detachment Parents" but that definitely doesn't sound fair to you!  You can be present and active in your child's life with out sharing a bed with them. (That's not to say we didn't share a bed a time or two when I was so tired and just wanted SLEEEEP!  **See diagram below.)

Before I go off on too many tangents, I just want to say this: be nice, overly-opinionated mama!

The crash course on becoming a mom (that starts the day you give birth) is hard enough without your opinions making us feel lousy.

Overly-opinionated mama, I think it's important for you to remember that for every article you have read, there's another article disputing it.  For every experience you've had, someone else has had the opposite.  So just chill, ok.  If someone asks you directly for your opinion, give it.  If they don't, keep calm and remember we're all still learning what works best for our own family--it is probably different than what works best with your family.

Overly-opinionated mama, can we still be friends?  I don't want it to be weird--and neither does your other friend who also doesn't want to hear your very strong opinions.

Love,
Mary
(Here's a follow-up to this post.)
**Ok, so while I was in the middle of blogging this, I was looking up a picture to put on the post.  As it turns out, I just stumbled upon one of the funniest parenting blogs I've ever read.  Check it out.  Oh, and here's the picture I wanted to share (I got it from their site.):

Spraying, Storing & Stripping Cloth Diapers

 I've had several people ask me about cloth diapering because, for various reasons (money, the environment, disposable diaper allergies,) they are considering using cloth diapers too!  This, of course, thrills my heart even though, if I'm being truthful, my husband and I usually take the weekends 'off' and rarely travel with cloth. 

Here's some FAQs I get from friends about cloth diapers:

1.  Why do you use cloth diapers?
I do it to save money.  "But cloth diapers are expensive." I received most of my stash during baby showers, so the start up cost was very inexpensive for me.

2.  Do you use diaper pins and everything?
No.  You can, but I don't.  Cloth diapers have come a long way over the years.  To check out my detailed explanation of all the different types, check out this post.  If you want to know the specifics of what gDiaper supplies I use, check out this post.

3. Is it gross?
Sometimes, but not often.  It's more gross when my son poops in the bathtub.

4. Is it a lot of work?
It's work, but not a lot of work.  Obviously you can't just trash the diapers and you have to wash them.  But those things are not really that difficult once you get the hang of things.

5. What do you do with the poop?
If your baby is exclusively breastfed, his poop is water soluble.  There is no pre-cleaning needed.  The diaper just goes into the pail until it's time to do a load of laundry.

before diaper sprayer

after diaper sprayer

Once your baby starts solids (or if he's using formula), the poop changes.  Something that has been GREAT for our family is having a diaper sprayer.  We have this one.  It was another gift (we did not pay the $60), but we are so glad to have it!  There are also other options that are less expensive including homemade options that you can find on Pinterest/Google.  The installation was pretty easy, however, I did buy a new hose that was flexible rather than the stiff one that came standard with the toilet.

Now that our son is on lots of solids, when he poops we take his diaper over the toilet, hose off the poop (flush) and put it in the pail that's next to the toilet.  We like keeping our pail in the bathroom because of the distance to the toilet as well as keeping any unpleasant smells in the bathroom where they belong.

When it comes time to wash, I take the pail over to the washer and dump it in.  I do my best to avoid touching poop if I can! 

And now a little about diaper stripping: 
What is this scandalous thing you ask? 
When your diapers start smelling funky the moment your baby pees into them, when your baby starts getting fierce diaper rashes, or when your diapers start to leak after just a short period of time, it may be time to strip them.
But why?
If you've used too much detergent, it begins to build up in the diaper causing it to not get as clean.
If you've used a diaper rash cream, it creates a barrier on the diaper that will prevent it from absorbing and will not wash off in a regular wash cycle.
So how do I strip them?
I've read that the easiest way is to use really hot water and do several extra rinse cycles checking to see if there are still soapy bubbles while the washer is agitating, but this didn't do the trick for me.
After 5+ rinses there was still just as many bubbles as the first time.
So then I tried adding Dawn.
And then I tried adding bleach. (If you try bleach, make sure to rinse several times, it can be harsh on baby's bum.)
After that I tried rinsing some more.
I still saw lots of soapy water/bubbles.
I finally tried vinegar and in about 2 rinses my diapers were rinsing clean.  Wahoo!

There's lots of ways to strip diapers and washing machines, water, and diapers are all unique, so it may take some trial and error to figure out what works for you.
I'm so thankful I finally found something that works for me!  (And there's plenty of other blogs that have lots of detailed instructions for all different kinds of options.)  Hope you find something that works great for you!  Also, if you have some yucky stains, take advantage of sunny days to line-dry your diapers.  The sun is a natural way to bleach out the stains.

Need help figuring out the differences between different types of cloth diapers?  Click here.
Want to look at the cost of cloth diapering and the supplies needed to gDiaper?  Click here.

{the skinny on cloth diapering}

There are tons of options to choose from when it comes to covering your baby's tush.  This post explains what goes on my baby's tush.  In general we use cloth and sometimes we use disposables when we're out and about, at church, or are feeling lazy and don't want to be responsible for doing laundry.  We also always use disposable at night.  I know we don't have to and that there are night time options when it comes to cloth, but as of now, we haven't bothered trying

We stick to Pampers Baby Dry (12 hour protection) at night and the disposables we use during the day range from Target brand, to Luvs, to Pampers Swaddlers.  The Swaddlers are fancy because they have a faint yellow line on them that turn blue when your baby pees.  They are SUPER helpful for new dads (and moms) who are apprehensive about changing diapers due to lack of experience. 

the skinny on cloth

Once you decide on cloth, you have to learn the lingo and decide on which type of cloth you like best (or can afford).  AIOs, pockets, hybrids, prefolds & covers!?  I brought pictures to help explain.

AIOs (All In Ones)

I only have one of these.  They're called AIOs because there isn't any part that is detached.  It's all connected so once it's clean you just stuff the long part into the pocket and you're ready for round two.  They have laundry tabs, which means the Velcro flaps fold in on themselves so the scratchy part doesn't snag other things in the washing machine.  I bought this one at Mother Nurture. 

I think they would be excellent for travel and for care-takers who don't have CDing (CD=cloth diaper(ing)) skills. They are rather expensive, so it would be rough building your collection to have enough for a couple of days worth.  However, they are a ONE-SIZE diaper, which means they only sell one size, but it is adjustable with snaps in the front and Velcro waist, so once you have one set, it will stay with your baby until she is potty trained.

Pocket Diapers    

Similar in ease to the AIO, the pocket diaper differs by making you keep track of the absorbent part (stuffer) that goes in the pocket of the diaper.  Bumgenius is a very popular brand, but there are SEVERAL different brands that all make pocket diapers.  I have two pockets, one Bumgenius and one KaWaii Baby.  So once you wash your diapers, you have to sort the parts and stuff the diapers.  These are also a ONE-SIZE diaper that come in Velcro or snap closure.

Prefolds & Covers

Prefolds are the fancy name for "old school" diapers like the kind your parents may have used on you!  Gerber sells prefold at Walmart/Target, but watch out for the packages that are only labeled cloth diapers (sometimes "flat") and don't include the word prefold, they are just cloth that are not "pre-folded" in the middle to create a big absorbent part.  You can also buy prefolds in organic cotton or other choices and places like Mother Nurture.  Just like in the story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, if you give a baby a prefold, he's going to need a Snappi.  You can continue the "old-school" style and use diaper pins, but if you can afford it, go for the Snappi.  They're super simple, nothing to poke baby (or you!) and a two-pack of these has served me plenty well.  If you're using only prefolds, you may find more is helpful.  If you give a baby a prefold and a Snappi, he's going to need a cover.  There are a HUGE range of diaper covers out there.  The job of the cover is to keep the wetness contained.  If you use cotton prefolds, they get soaked very fast and then your lap would also quickly be soaked.  The "old-school" choice was rubber pants, now there are diaper covers.  I have 10 cotton prefolds, 2 Snappis, and 3 Econobum covers and if I need to, I can go about a day and a half using only these (and a disposable at night).  If you give a baby a diaper cover, snappi, and prefold, he's going to need bigger pants.  Prefolds are VERY bulky.  Econobum covers are ONE-SIZE, but that is not true for all covers.

Hybrids

This term is used to describe diapers that are half cloth and half disposable.  The outter shell or cover is fabric and the inside has a part that is flush-able.  The kind of hybrid I use is gdiapers.  This is the main diaper I use, HOWEVER, I use a cloth insert instead of a disposable one.

I chose gpants because, in short, I liked 3 things about them:
1.  SUPER CUTE
2.  SUPER TRIM
3.  It seemed like less washing to me.

The down-falls in my opinion are that they are not ONE-SIZE diapers and they have more assembly.  There are tinys, smalls, mediums, larges, and even extra larges (not pictured).  You end up buying about them same amount of diapers though, and it's spread out instead of all at once, so I like that.  There are 3 separate parts to each diaper which means more parts to keep track of.     There are only 5 smalls in the picture, I've lent out one.

I actually like the separate parts because if the diaper is just wet, you only need to change the stuffer/absorbent piece.  If the diaper is soiled, you'll often need to only change the stuffer and the liner.  Then, on occasion you'll need to change the cover too (my husband refers to these as the gym-shorts!).  When making my main diaper choice I didn't like the idea of washing the entire diaper every time my baby wet it (which is what you'll do for the AIOs and pockets).

If you buy the baby bundle it comes with 12 tiny gpants and 6 small gpants.  I didn't end up using the tiny gpants very much because my son was 8lbs, 5ozs at birth so after we ran out of disposables we had been given as gifts, we moved pretty much straight to the small size.  The large size goes up to 36 lbs, so I'm hoping extra large will not be in my future and I'm praying my son will be using the big-boy potty at that point.  To be honest, if we're not trained at 36 lbs, I will probably use disposables rather than investing in a whole set of XLs.

The following is pictures of all the parts to the gdiaper.

 Small g-flapper/stuffer and Medium/Large g-flapper/stuffer (the absorbent part).

This is a biodegradable/flushable stuffer.  I rarely use them, they're more expensive than regular disposables, but they came with the bundle, so I've played with them a little bit.

This is a Small liner and Medium/Large liner that snap into the cover.  This is PLU material that keeps the wetness inside the diaper and off the cover and your lap!

This is an open flapper.  Its benefit is being able to dry quicker than having 5 layers all together to dry.  Also, I have a few "g-scraps" that can be used to give extra absorbency in the front for boy or middle for girls.

This is the cover with the snapped in liner and the g-flapper half way in.

This is the gdiaper stuffed and ready to go.  It also has laundry taps.

A gdiaper stuffed and closed up.  The 'g' goes in the back!

 A few last notes to this VERY LONG post.

• Gdiapers Velcro in the back, which I hear is helpful when tiny fingers start trying to take their own diaper off. 
• I've also heard that for pockets and AIOs, whose closures are in the front, snaps are best since they're harder for tiny fingers to unsnap.
• Diaper covers don't have to be just for prefolds, you can also lay g-flappers/other absorbent materials in them, just be sure the layer that touches baby's tush is skin-friendly.

There is one more type of cloth diaper--the fitted diaper.  I haven't explored them, but you can read a bit about them here.

To learn more about what I think you'll need to start you're gdiaper collection, check out this post.

{some opinions about cloth diapering}

My cousin Julie Gunby put together a massive composition about how she cloth diapers.  For the most part I followed her plan with only a few tweaks here and there.

More diaper info than you ever thought possible!

Cost:

The total cost up to 28lbs, which is about the first year of life is $463. 

The next year is just another $108, for a total of $571, 

this is versus the $1600 it would cost to use disposables for 2 years,

plus, most will stay in good enough condition to reuse for another baby.

Shopping list:

**new baby bundle This is a great, great deal. It lets you start with cloth super early, as early as 6lbs, also includes 6 little g pants (which themselves would cost nearly $80-100, and gives you 80 disposable liners to start off with and see if you like them/ want them on hand for if you run out of laundry or decide to go camping with your newborn

**extra liners One extra pack in small and one in medium/large will be plenty. Super helpful since sometimes you don't need to change the whole diaper. You'll see what I mean.

**g flappers  You only need to buy 2 sizes of these. The smalls work with the newborn and small gpants, and the medium/larges work with, you guessed it, the medium and large gpants. I got 18 in small and then when E was three months and went up to the next  size, I got 18 in med/large and I can do laundry every 2-3 days without stressing. 

         You may want 1-2 xtra gpants in small, I think I had 2 more than what came with the bundle, but I really did that just to get a few other fun colors, such as blue or pink The only time I needed that many pants was when she was outgrowing that size, and leaking around the edges, and I hadn't bought the mediums  yet. So, if you go ahead and get the mediums, you may avoid that trouble.

          If you went ahead and registered for 6 medium g pants in whatever assortment of colors you wanted, you'd have enough to last you through the first year.  If you also registered for 6 larges, you'd pretty much then make it till 2 years.

          Check out this lady's cloth diapering info. I found it really helpful.

**Extras: (what I used)

2 laundry bags

1 delicates bag, this is because of the one real inconvenience of the g diapers system, that it's in three parts (g pant, liner, and diaper) and that the liner bit can't be dried in the dryer...so, I just try and put it directly into a delicates bag in the laundry bag, so I can toss it all in the wash without picking through dirty diapers, and then can pull it out before tossing them all in the dryer.

wipes you could easily make these... I didn't though. I only have 20 wipes... kinda think 30 would be nicer.

wipe solution bits these things are lasting me FOREVER. Just mix them with warm water and add to a spray bottle (just scroll down on this page... they also have options for wipes)

For out and about:

I got one of these travel bags that are insanely overpriced, but i do use it EVERY DAY. it's usually the only diaper bag I carry at all, I just wad up a nursing cover in it and I'm ready to go, but I can also stick it into any bag and it's instantly a diaper bag. I know there are cheaper versions of this out there... i have a wet bag that i attach to my travel bag for dirty diapers. I haven't used cloth wipes when out, but I know you could. I just like having such a small little bag, that I don't.

Finally:

you need laundry soap you can just go with something like all free and clear from the grocery store, but, this stuff is super cheap, and extremely gentle on baby skin.

          Even with all the little extras on my EXHAUSTIVE list, you'd still come in Way Under Budget compared to the $1600 worth of disposables, it's all reusable, and really, really simple to use once you're started.

Here's what I do differently:  I bought a delicates bag, but have found that I rather prefer to leave all my parts unsnapped, but together in the same pail, then I dump it all into the wash at once.  This allows me less touching of the dirty diapers and I find that to be worth the inconvenience of pulling out the liners before I put the covers and flappers in the dryer.  I also don't use cloth wipes YET.  I plan on starting sometime, just haven't done it yet.  I use to not like the idea at all, but especially when traveling with cloth, it's much easier to put all your dirty stuff in one place rather than finding a separate place for the wipes.

I also use a full-sized diaper bag because, well, I don't travel light. 

So far my soap has been the earthy stuff from Kroger, but I've just ordered Rockin' Green Soap this week.  I'll be posting in the future about it as well as about stripping diapers.