community

Over the past week I've been trying to figure out if I want to write about the instincts a mom has when her baby is sick, but as this week has progressed and I have gotten more and more cranky, I realized I'd rather talk to you about community.

For those of you who work outside the home, this probably doesn't pertain to you.  However for those of us who stay at home day after day, week after week, the job of caring for our children can get really lonely.

During Sam's first year of life, I didn't really have any "mommy friends" to hang out with.  Sometimes I even wondered to myself, am I really the only one going through this right now?  Where is everyone else!?

And then, at the turn of his first year, I noticed something started to change.  I had a (now) friend reach out to me at church, pointing out that we had a mutual friend (who is an absolute awesome person) so I knew she must be legit.  A few months later I got invited to go to the park with some babies and mamas...and I went...and made small talk...and felt slightly awkward, but I noticed my mood began to change.  I was starting to enjoy my days a little more.  The fog of winter wasn't so bad when there were other moms with which to navigate through the fog.

I went to a graduation party for a (now) friend who I really didn't know all that well at the time, but I thought, if I want to have friends, I need to put some effort into it.  I'm not a recluse, I have friends, but there's something about walking through life with people who know basically exactly what you're going through that makes it easier to handle.  I brought my friend a congratulations card with Justin Bieber on it.  I wanted to be light-hearted and funny...now I love it even more because I have fun teasing my Canadian friend, so it only seems appropriate that I should give her a card clad with a Canadian born pop star!

So how does this all tie in with mama-instincts about sick children?
 My son started running a fever on Sunday night and now four days later, he's finally fever free.  However, for the four days that we have been quarantined in our house, I've had flashbacks to those lonely days before we actually got out of the house to do things!  I've been irritable and unhappy and I'm realizing it's directly related to being cooped up!

three little buddies, filthy dirty and having fun while their mamas have fun too

If there's something I'd like to pass on as helpful mommy advice it's this:  get in community.  Find other moms who you can spend time with who have children with similar ages.  It's an awesome feeling to sit on a park bench and have adult conversation with someone while your kid happily plays with his friend.

***I feel like I should add a disclaimer to this blog post.  There are many other good friends that the Lord has placed in my life along with their children, but to make my point, I thought I should keep it short and sweet.  God is good all the time.  And I'm very thankful to have a fever free child so we can get out and play tomorrow!

9-11-88 Taking It Back Old School

I'm sure there will be several blog posts today asking, "Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?"  But today I'm going to take it back even further...thirteen years earlier.  Twenty five years ago I made the biggest decision of my life.  I asked Jesus into my heart--FOR-EV-ER (now you're thinking about Sandlot, come back...)

I was little...4 months from turning 4 years old.  My dad wasn't home and my mom had chosen to read me a children's tract...it was actually the one pictured above and you can still buy them here.  She read it to me and I felt the urgency...I needed to become a Christian RIGHT THEN.  My mom encouraged me to wait until my dad came home so he could be a part of it, but I demanded it must happen then (I mean, after all, what if I died before my dad got home!?)

Right there in our hallway in Tennessee, I said the sinner's prayer and forever joined the family of Believers.  I'm so grateful my mom "let me" pray that prayer.

(How does this relate to my blog, you ask!?)

Everyday my son gets a little older and understands a little more.  His receptive language blows my mind!  And I'm realizing I'm the Christian that he hangs out with EVERY DAY.  The things I expose him to and my behavior shape his view of Christians.  Wow, a privilege and what pressure!

I've been having fun seeking out Christian kids' music, DVDs, and even recalling kid-friendly prayers my family use to say at the dinner table.

Is there something special you remember from your childhood that helped shape your heart as a Christian today?

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

I'm going to do my best to keep my cool while I compose this letter, because I know, at times, all of us mamas can be overly-opinionated about one thing or another.

However, over the past year and a half of parenting my dear one, you have gotten on my nerves a time or two.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  And I'm writing you this letter just in case you don't realize what you're doing to me and other moms.

You're hurting us with your super strong, often narrow view of how a mama should raise her baby.
You make us feel inadequate.
You make us feel like we're doing it wrong.
You make us feel like we're going to irreparably screw up our off spring.

I know that you have articles to back up your perspective on parenting.  It's been made clear that you think letting a baby cry it out will screw them up in the long run.   It's no secret that you think breastfeeding is the best feeding (and you're right, but sometimes some moms don't or can't breastfeed and they are still great mamas.)

And what about those of you who are in the opposing camp to the attachment parents?  You don't even get a name!  Not fair!  I suppose you could be called "Baby Wise" mamas, or "Detachment Parents" but that definitely doesn't sound fair to you!  You can be present and active in your child's life with out sharing a bed with them. (That's not to say we didn't share a bed a time or two when I was so tired and just wanted SLEEEEP!  **See diagram below.)

Before I go off on too many tangents, I just want to say this: be nice, overly-opinionated mama!

The crash course on becoming a mom (that starts the day you give birth) is hard enough without your opinions making us feel lousy.

Overly-opinionated mama, I think it's important for you to remember that for every article you have read, there's another article disputing it.  For every experience you've had, someone else has had the opposite.  So just chill, ok.  If someone asks you directly for your opinion, give it.  If they don't, keep calm and remember we're all still learning what works best for our own family--it is probably different than what works best with your family.

Overly-opinionated mama, can we still be friends?  I don't want it to be weird--and neither does your other friend who also doesn't want to hear your very strong opinions.

Love,
Mary
(Here's a follow-up to this post.)
**Ok, so while I was in the middle of blogging this, I was looking up a picture to put on the post.  As it turns out, I just stumbled upon one of the funniest parenting blogs I've ever read.  Check it out.  Oh, and here's the picture I wanted to share (I got it from their site.):

#tbt One Year Ago

It was one year ago that I started off the day nursing my baby for, what I didn't know, would be the last time.

For two weeks prior I had been having weird pains in my lungs and severe headaches.  I took headache medicine and assumed it would just work itself out.  However, the night of July 17, my "lung pain" (chest pain) had become so severe that I could not get a deep breathe and was in tears trying to get to sleep because I knew my dear sweet baby would be up in the morning with or without me having a good night sleep.  By the grace of God I was able to fall asleep with the promise to my husband that I would call the doctor in the morning.

July, 18, 2012 I called my primary care physician to make an appointment about my chest pain and trouble breathing--words that a PCP practically sound the alarm for (as they should.)  They directed me to the ER and suggested going to the Good Samaritan location because it would be less busy.  I arranged to drop off Sam for a few hours with my mom and drove myself to the ER.  I calmly checked myself in explaining my severe chest pain and trouble breathing.  I sat in the empty waiting room as they prepared my papers and then gave me my bracelet.

By this time I was nervous all the time, didn't sleep well, and had my current problems on top of it.  Since I was never diagnosed with PPD, I figured all of those symptoms were just coming to a head and I was about to implode. (As it turns out, the nervousness was a symptom of the condition I was about to be diagnosed with.)

I answered all the nurses questions, got an IV, and officially became a little scared.  Also, I was thinking about how my son was going to need to nurse soon, so I needed to get a diagnosis and head home.

I'm not really sure why I didn't understand that chest pain was kind of a big deal.  Now I know!

After more doctors came and asked similar questions and lots of other questions, and then the same exact questions over and over, they decided to run some tests.  (I texted my husband the above picture and suggested that maybe he come over from his office.)  I was at a teaching hospital, so I had the student doctor, then the resident, then the attending doctor all come in and talk to me.  I realized the severity when the attending came in.  (Lucky for me I had been watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, so a lot of the things that happened to me or people I met weren't so much scary to me as they were amusing.  I felt like I was making my own episode of Grey's.)

I ended up having an EKG (electrocardiogram) also called an Echo.  They put a bunch of stickers on my chest to monitor things, then a nice tech lady came in and did a sort of ultrasound around my heart.  I also had an x-ray and a few more tests, one of which included a CT scan (or a CAT scan.)  That was the test that made me thinking I really must be filming an episode of a hospital tv show!

Finally it was determined that there was a thick layer of fluid around my heart that was causing the pressure.  This is called Pericarditis or also a Pericardial effusion.  The doctors used the terms interchangeably.   One doctor (I think the eager resident) suggested extracting the fluid by jabbing a giant needle in my chest.  Thankfully, the attending had a less-invasive solution!!!

The doctors went ahead and admitted me to stay overnight in the hospital for observation.  Because of the 'contrast' they gave me during the CT scan and some other drugs that had been pumped into me by that time, I was instructed to pump and dump my milk for the time being.  It would take 48 hours until my milk would be safe for Sammy.

What!?  Overnight?  Pump and dump!?  This was suppose to be a quick trip to the doctor and back home.  I guess I was wrong.  I talked to my mom and told her where she could find a bottle and the formula that had been mailed to me for free from the formula companies that I had saved "just in case."  If ever there was a "just in case" time, this was it!

I had my family praying for me and by this time my husband had come to stay and my dear friend was kind enough to bring me an overnight bag of clothes and deodorant, etc.   While Lee J got Sam settled in at home for his first night away from his parents and without nursing, I got settled in at the hospital.

The next day the doctors told me my options.  I was offered the option of taking ibuprofen in high doses to bring down the inflammation.  This would allow me to continue breastfeeding, but was not a sure thing solution.  Then I was offered a drug that had been in some case studies that gave me a 90% chance of the inflammation not returning, however I wouldn't be allowed to nurse Sam while I took the medicine for 3 months.

After some ignorant comments about breastfeeding from the doctors (that were probably said to make me feel like a good mom, no matter what my choice was,) and some praying and thinking, my husband and I decided I should take the second drug.  This choice also meant I was choosing (sort of) to stop breastfeeding.  It was a tough decision, but ultimately my long term health outweighed Sam receiving breast milk.  

I was released from the hospital on Thursday and our family hopped in the mini van with Lee J's family and drove to the beach in Flordia on Friday night...a detail I decided not to share with the doctors.  I figured relaxing at the beach was a great option for recovery anyway.

Weening Sam definitely didn't happen the way I had planned it, but most things don't go according to our plans, do they?  I'm thankful to have been able to breastfeed him for the 6+ months I was able to!

I'm thankful that a year later I am feeling healthy and strong and that my kid is well-grown and happy as ever (most of the time!) 

That's my #throwbackthursday story, what's yours!?   

...more on toddler food

Oh my gosh, so recently we've started having oatmeal for breakfast and I wish I had done this much earlier!  I feel much better about filling his belly with oats that fluffy bread (add oatmeal to the list!)  I should have taken the que from my older, wiser sister a long time ago!  Her daughter is a year and a week older than Sam so I tend to look to them to see what's coming down the pike!

When I wrote the previous entry about feeding a toothless toddler, I thought of three more things I wanted to share with you, but now I can only remember two of them.  Bummer.  But the two things are still good, so get excited!

1. The snack cup pictured above.  It's seriously awesome.  My toddler is such a grazer (like his parents.)  However, we also have a dog, so if I leave out snacks for him, they will last about 1.3 seconds before being gobbled up by our pup.  I can put so many snacks in here and Sam has access, but Truck (our dog) does not!  Life-changing.  We got them at the grocery store, they're not hard to find.  They usually come in a 2-pack.
2. The Weelicious cookbook. The author has a VERY successful blog (so much so, that she wrote a book.) It was so helpful to me!  Up until we got the book (which was around 15 months old for our son,) we were still feeding him in the high chair in our kitchen floor--not at the table.  After reading a lot of the introduction to the book, we moved him to the table, which I love.  It's a little more work as far as clean up, but he is gaining social skills, a sense of order for meal time, and is becoming a champ at using utensils (which I wasn't even giving him before!)
   
   Some of you may think I'm foolish for buying the cookbook because there is free access to almost every recipe on weelicious.com, but I really love having a physical book.  Plus, I really hate the idea of dragging my laptop into the kitchen and risking its demise with one careless mistake.
   
   This book gave me such a great grasp on how to feed my boy and how to keep him from learning bad habits like requesting a second meal and turning his nose up at the first one offered.  Seriously, check it out (maybe even, just from your local library!)

feeding a toothless toddler

Once we made it through the very trying first year of our son's life things got significantly easier.

But to quote Elizabethtown, "if it wasn't this... it'd be something else."

With most families this would most likely be teething.  But not for our family!

At 17 and a half months, our son's 5th tooth just arrived.  His first two emerged at 11 months, second two at around 14 or 15 months, and just yesterday I noticed a first year molar popping through.  Crazy kid!

So what is it that wears us out, you ask?  Feeding a toothless toddler!  While he manages great with a lot of foods, we still have to be cautious of the foods we present him since he has the ravenous appetite of an ever-moving toddler, but the gums of a 5 month old.

It's been work trying to figure out what fills up this sweet boy's belly, so that's why I want to share some ideas with you in hopes that you don't have to do so much brain storming!

First I should say, we do our best to avoid a whole lot of processed foods, but we're also realistic, on a budget, and on the go a lot of the time (and sometimes just down-right lazy) which makes steaming asparagus and preparing quinoa casseroles often out of the question.

I think about food in these catagories:  protein, veggies/fruits, grains/fiber, other carbs, & snacks. I don't give dairy its own category because we still give him cups of milk and he gets calcium through other foods and in proteins he gets throughout the day.
I should also add that at around 9 months or so, my son only let grandma spoon feed him and when he was home with us it was finger foods only (or getting a baby spoon swatted away and having mashed anything splattered on our carpet.)

Proteins:

• ground meat (beef/turkey) sometimes in a red sauce
• canned beans (organic/regular) strained and pinched to help avoid a chocking hazard
     black beans, kidney beans, navy bean
• hummus (or canned chick peas, but they don't digest as well since they're not fully chewed)
• peanut butter (or other nut butters) 
• eggs (scrambled or boiled)
• yogurt
• cheese

   
Veggies/Fruits:

• frozen peas/carrots (great for sore gums)
• canned peas/carrots
• chopped green beans
• sauteed chopped squash and zucchini
• microwaved sweet potato (cooled and scooped out)
• occasionally things like veggie straws or veggie puffs (like Gerber graduate snacks, but b/c of the preservatives, additives, sugar, etc, we try to keep these to a minimum)
•  canned fruit that is packed in 100% juice or water and not light or heavy syrup, our go-tos are pears, peaches, and mandarin oranges 
• bananas--i had given up on these b/c my son would examine the pieces and then throw them on the floor, recently i tried giving him a whole pealed banana and he scarfed it down!  Go figure!?
• grapes (I feel obligated to say cut these in half, however, my son does great with whole ones along as I'm constantly supervising him) 
• apple sauce jars, cups, and squeeze pouches, we love them all! (The gogo squeez are usually the most economical.  The package says for 3+ years but it seems that is due to the small cap, so if you don't give the small cap to your child, you should be good to go.)
• blueberries (These are an absolute favorite food!  As pictured above, the frozen ones can be a bit messy!)

Grains/Fiber:

• whole wheat Chex cereal
• whole wheat or multi-grain bread
• whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread or English muffins (toasted or not)
• pita chips
• matzah bread/crackers (with a dip like hummus)
• whole grain Goldfish (I know these are not as healthy as they sound, but they're better than the regular ones and a mom has to have some go-to snacks!)
• whole grain pasta (including mac and cheese)

 Other Carbs + Snack Foods:
       This is my least favorite category because I know there is the least nutrition in these, but it's also unrealistic for use to never have snack food that fills us up and is easy to prepare.

• crackers (Ritz, Saltines, Triscuits)
• pretzels
• puffs
• yogurt melts (There are dairy free ones at Target that are rice-based)

As far as beverages, our son usually drinks only milk and water with the occasional watered down juice.  He also rarely has desserts.  I don't see a reason to expose him to them since he doesn't even know he's missing out on anything at this point.

My mind is already reeling with more tips and strategies that have worked for us, but I will save those for another day!  Hope this provides some guidance for you in feeding your toothless toddler!

Are there any awesome foods I left off the list!?

three hundred sixty five days

Recently I've been amazed at how much different my life is than it was a year ago.

You remember a year ago.

I was going bonkers trying to get my kid to sleep.
I was a floundering breastfeeding mama who was getting utterly discouraged.
Heck, I even started a blog to try and control the situation a little bit because often it seemed like my life was spinning out of control.  Though my "dark days" have now been accounted for, once I was able to realize I had PPD.

Things got better just before my little baby turned one.  And hopefully all you newer mamas who are still in the darker days don't feel like I'm rubbing this in your face--but life with my toddler is so much fun!

Ok, yeah, there are still times when I get super frustrated.  I'm not a machine.  But the ratio of tears to giggles has changed exponentially.

We went to the Gulf this past week. 
Sam loved the beach SO MUCH MORE than he did the year before when we had just stopped breastfeeding despite our best efforts. (Who would have thought that a 27 year old, healthy woman would be diagnosed with pericarditis which would demand her be on medicine that was not BFing approved!?)

During our stay there in the condo, my son was wearing a diaper, a pajama shirt, blue crocs, and eating a snack while listening to the Beatles on Pandora.  Our little swaying dancer cracked us up so much, I just had to share!

I thank the Lord often for bringing me through those first 365 days.  And I am SO GLAD the next 365 days are shaping up to be awesome.  God is good, all the time.  And all the time...

the day we almost killed our son

In honor of my sister's dramatic story telling, I'd like to tell my own dramatic story about how our son was almost crushed to death and I saved him with sheer brute mama-strength.

Recently our garage door decided to stop opening.  I pushed the button in the garage so I could push Sammy out in his stroller for a little walk.  The door opened about three inches, closed, then opened three inches again and stopped.  After trying this a few more times, I gave up, hauled my son, who was already strapped in his stroller, up the stairs, then back down the outside stairs where I think too a pathetically short stroll that was probably not worth the effort.

Later that evening my husband and I decided to investigate and see if it would be a simple fix.  I pulled the rip cord on the door which made it close the three inches, but then, nothing.

Since we are (one of the 36) people in America that actually use our garage to store our cars, we realized we needed to get the door open so I could pull my car out.  Since the cord is pulled on the door, it should just pull right up and open manually.

Keeping this in mind, my husband starts lifting...and it doesn't budge.  It's a two person job.

At this time Sam is happily exploring the garage, not paying much attention to us. 

My husband's knee is somewhat injured from a running incident, so he decides to pull on the rip cord and I'll use the handle at the base of the door.  We'll get the door open, get the car out, and worry about fixing the door later!

We begin pulling the heavy two-car garage door up and it's working--the two of us are doing it!  However, there are three of us in the garage.  Sam sees his escape and starts going under the gap in the garage door.  My husband, with his safety instincts on the tip of his tongue yells to Sam to stop and come back.  Well, instead of our 15 month old heeding his commands, he instead becomes very frightened and just stops dead center under the door and begins to cry--petrified with fear.

So there we were, using all of our muscles to hold this door three feet from the ground, with our toddler frozen underneath the suspended door.

My mama bear instincts kick into gear.  I realize I have three choices:  1. let my son be crushed under the weight of the garage door  2.  hold the garage door up long enough for Sam to stop crying and either come in the garage or out of the garage (in which case I could run out the front door and get him) or 3. I could life up the garage door.

With all my strength I take a deep breath and hoist the door up and throw it up over my head like a heavy-weight champion!  And it works!  The door is up!

Lee J holds the door (which is now at its resting place at the top) while I scoop up my terrified son.  We proceeded to put him in his stroller (which was still outside from our earlier walk) and then I pulled my car out and lowered the garage door slowly closed until it is repaired a few days later.

So there you have it.  The day I saved my son's life (after being one of the ones
to put it in danger in the first place!)

Walking where God leads

Whenever children are involved, it seems there is a lesson to be learned.  There's something God is trying to teach me through the children I am with.

When I remember God is my parent and I am His child, it makes it easy to translate since I am Sam's parent and he is my child.

A month ago I literally laughed out loud when one of these comparisons came so close to home.  I tend to be a worrier and over and over again my husband would tell me, "The birds of the air do not sow or reap and yet your heavenly Father feeds them, are you not much more valuable?"  On this particular day Sam was melting down and I was scrambling to prepare some food for him...and then I yelled said, "Sam, I always feed you.  Why do you still freak out!?"  Seriously!?  I just paraphrased Matthew 6:26 to my one year old without even realizing it, yet I still have trouble trusting the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE for my own needs.

My sister gives a tear-jerking comparison about fearing God here.  Running with abandon sometimes gives me the chills.

Today my toddling son wanted nothing more than to walk up and down the sidewalk on our street.

No wait, he wanted to walk IN the street.  He wanted to chase the leaves that blew off the side walk and pick up rocks he saw in the road.  He settled for the sidewalk as I continued to steer him that way.  He would then begin veering off towards the road again and I would take his head and gently steer him back toward the side walk.  Even though Sam didn't know that the road was dangerous, I knew the street was not a safe place for a toddler to play. 

And isn't it like that with God?  We continually try veering off to the left or the right as a crunchy leaf catches our eye as it blows down the road, but gently God leads us back to where we need to go.  We don't know that the way we want to go is dangerous (well, sometimes we do,) but God knows what's ahead.

What lessons has God taught you through a child?

Dear Grumpy Mama

Dear Grumpy Mama,

Maybe you're a really good person.  And maybe you usually have a great attitude.  And maybe today is just one of those days.  You're just plain grumpy.

Grumpy Mama,  maybe today your baby's teething and won't stop with that constant, underlying whine.  Or maybe she's feeling a little other the weather (and so are you) and you just don't want to haul her around on your hip all day.

Or maybe today your child just wants to be fed (or nursed) all day long and you just don't feel like preparing food or having your shirt up all day.

Maybe you got bad news from a family member or had a fight with one of your friends and parenting just doesn't sound like something you want to do right now.

Maybe today feels like it should be a pre-baby day in which you can curl in your bed and sleep away the afternoon or turn on the tv and watch a marathon of your favorite tv show (remember when I suggested you do that before the baby arrived?) only getting up to pee and eat.

Or Grumpy Mama,  maybe today you're sore from exercising or lifting something too heavy and your body hurts.  You just don't feel like being a snugly, nurturing, let-me-help-you-with-that kind of mama.

Guess what, mama?  All of us have felt that way some times.  We all occasionally want our "old life" back and to not have to take care of other people once in awhile.  You're normal.  You're not a bad mama for feeling that way.  (Let me repeat myself.)  You're not a bad mama.

In fact, I would say you're a healthy mama for being able to admit (at least to yourself) that parenthood is not all roses, gum drops, and baby giggles.  Sometimes you're just grumpy.

As long as the grumpiness doesn't overshadow the good days.  As long as you're loving life more often than you're not, it's ok.  (And if you're not, that doesn't make you a freak, it's possible you have PPD and need to talk to a doctor--like lots of other mamas.)

Grumpy Mama, I know people tell you that this time period is short and will pass quickly--and in a way it does--but some days it creeps by.  Hang in there, mama.  Your grumpy days will pass.

And if you and me are like-minded, these days will teach you to fully rely on Jesus Christ for your strength minute by minute.  Apart from Christ we can do nothing.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  John 15:5

Rooting for you, grumpy mama.
Love,
Mary