i like doughnuts

I haven't been inspired to write about motherhood very much lately.  I thought I would be busting at the seams to blog about all things pregnancy for the second time, but I haven't. 

There is one thing that keeps coming back to mind though, so I figured I should share it with you because I'm probably not the only one who has felt this way.

I hate getting "fat" while I'm pregnant.
I loathe watching the numbers on the scale climb higher and higher.
And I can't stand that it bothers me.

It shouldn't, right?  I mean, there's a person growing inside of me!  But it still doesn't stop me from thinking those thoughts!

But for me, it isn't simply 'thin' that I care about.  Yes, I miss my early-twenties metabolism that allowed me to consume half a dozen chocolate glazed Krispy Kremes without batting an eye lash...

But more than that, I miss FEELING healthy!  Going to the gym was an activity in college.  My husband and I use to jog together in the evenings for fun!  Now instead of putting on running shorts in the evening, I usually tuck in my toddler and have my lounge pants on by 8:00pm.

But let's not throw in the towel on our healthy bodies.  Let's keep trying to take care of them even as we creep into our late twenties, our thirties, and beyond.  Let's dust off our treadmills and wash off our fruits and veggies.  Let's resolve to lift some free weights while we watch our evening television shows! 

And let's also always cut ourselves some slack, remembering that we do lead different lives than our younger selves did!  It's ok to indulge now and again, but maybe not all the doughnuts!

six things to avoid saying/asking to a new mom {and our upcoming family of four}

I've been recalling a lot of old memories of having a newborn lately.  In part because a billion women I know are popping them out left and right, but also in part because I decided to join them. 
Suprise!
We're expecting our second baby this coming May!

 

 

In honor of this exciting news, I'd like to give you a slightly sarcastic, possibly too blunt list of things new moms don't want to hear or be asked.

1. Is he sleeping ok?
   Um, no, he's a newborn.  He's up every couple hours and we're both exhausted, but thanks for reminding me.  Instead consider asking how long his stretches of sleep are and then encourage the mom that it is a great number no matter what it is.
2. Is he a good baby?
   What does that even mean?  If he's not good does that mean he's bad?  Does God make bad babies?  If I answer no, will you go trade him out for a good one?  I hear you only have 90 days with a gift receipt.  How about commenting about how calm and sweet he is being and if you could come over again another day and take him for a walk (then you can judge for yourself if he's a good baby.)
3. You look tired.  Are you getting enough sleep?
   No, I'm probably not.  I have a newborn, remember?  You're welcome to come hold my sweet kid for a couple of hours while I take a nap.  Except no mom will come out and say that, so you should offer to do it.  And don't be vague and ask about coming over sometime...ask if you can come over tomorrow at 2pm.
4. Enjoy this time, they grow up so fast, they'll be in college before you know it.
   I'm 100% sure you are right.  But right now these past 2 hours have been exhausting and he doesn't look any bigger and he's been crying for 30 minutes.  It's ok if I occasionally wish him a little older.  Maybe you should recall to yourself how it feels like yesterday that your kids were this little and you remember how it can sometimes feel like the days drag on forever.
5. You just wait until he starts doing this or that, it is so much funnier/cuter/better than what he is doing now. 
   Ok, so maybe you don't say it quite like that, but that's how we hear it.  Be nice, our hormones are wacky and we're still not confident we're not screwing it up.  Instead try to be in the moment with me.  I haven't experienced a messy blowout yet, so let me tell my story without you one-upping me about the bigger and better blowout your child once had.  Make me feel like my kid is the coolest thing since sliced bread.
6. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you.
   Look, I'm not going to do that.  Not only am I exhausted and barely hanging on for dear life, I would also feel rude and weird calling you up to ask you to come load my dishwasher.  Please just take the initiative (if your offer was serious) and do it.  Call ME and ask if now would be an ok time to come vacuum.  We'd love to just answer the phone and say, yes, now would be a good time, thank you!

I could probably keep going.  And I kind of wish I could keep going for at least four more to have nice round list of ten, but six will have to do for now.  And it should be noted that I'm totally guilty of some of these myself, but it's a good reminder for all of us.  Being a mom is hard.  Living on little sleep is the worst.  Hopefully you enjoyed it and were reminded a little too.  

Have a great weekend.
Love,
Mary

I'm Still Here {guest post}

My sweet friend, Hannah, has agreed to share a recent post of hers with us today! 
Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  

I've decided to stop referring to myself as any form of “Mother” in the third person. I have a bad habit of doing this on most social media platforms. I’ll say, “mommy needs a nap…” Or “mommy break time!”… as if it’s some self-awarded, term of endearment. 

What I’ve realized is that, for myself and my particular genetic makeup, this is no affectionate, endearing team. You see, I’ve lost myself while in the third person. It’s inevitable that I’ll call myself “mommy” or “momma” while speaking to my children… (Mommy said NO, Samuel. Etc) but I certainly do not have to call myself “mother” TO myself or the world at large. 

Yes, I am a mother. Just as I am a wife and a friend and a daughter. But this is not all that I am. I am me. My name is Hannah. There are many, MANY attributes that make me who God created 26 years ago. 

The other afternoon, after sorting through unpacked boxes from our recent move from central Georgia to the Savannah coast, I found my old piano books. One book in particular I remember playing from every Christmas since about the age of 16. I flipped to my favorite piece inside and scooted the bench closer to the pedals. In the next few minutes, I played the song from beginning to end. I shocked and amazed myself—and somewhere deep inside, I proved SOMETHING to my inner being that simply had been waiting impatient and expectant for quite some time. 

Now, as I played this piece, keep in mind and picture, if you will, that I had a 23 month old banging on the keys beside me the whole time. But it didn’t deter me from completing the piece with all the emotions required, all the notes needing playing and all the dynamics being monitored. 

When I was to the end, I started crying. 

It’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood. It’s easy to go through the motions of breast feeding, changing diapers, doing laundry, fighting picky toddlers, soothing crocodile tears, calming colicky babies, and then getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep in one night. It’s easy to get in a rut. In a scheduled routine of wake up, play house, go to bed. 

But I’ve decided to stop the mundane madness. I am still me. I posted a picture on Instagram earlier with a comment of “Nap times mean a reading and coffee break for mommy”… I immediately felt this twinge of regret and heartache inside and deleted the comment. I changed it instead to: nap times mean a reading and coffee break for Hannah! 

Because the facts remain that although, yes, I am a mother to two wonderful boys, I am also the same young girl who loved to write and dreamed of impacting the world with her strength and passion found in Christ. Although I am a mother and wife, I am still the same young lady who wrote songs and lyrics, longing to make that human connection with crowds of people—even if in a lowly coffee house on a college campus. 

I still have tremendous dreams. I still contain passions yet to be tapped into. My mask may seem dull… Changing diapers, bathing bottoms, and serving meals… But behind my disguise is Hannah. I’m still here.

If you want to read more of Hannah's post, check out her blog: lovingsrightlaughingsgood.tumblr.com

community

Over the past week I've been trying to figure out if I want to write about the instincts a mom has when her baby is sick, but as this week has progressed and I have gotten more and more cranky, I realized I'd rather talk to you about community.

For those of you who work outside the home, this probably doesn't pertain to you.  However for those of us who stay at home day after day, week after week, the job of caring for our children can get really lonely.

During Sam's first year of life, I didn't really have any "mommy friends" to hang out with.  Sometimes I even wondered to myself, am I really the only one going through this right now?  Where is everyone else!?

And then, at the turn of his first year, I noticed something started to change.  I had a (now) friend reach out to me at church, pointing out that we had a mutual friend (who is an absolute awesome person) so I knew she must be legit.  A few months later I got invited to go to the park with some babies and mamas...and I went...and made small talk...and felt slightly awkward, but I noticed my mood began to change.  I was starting to enjoy my days a little more.  The fog of winter wasn't so bad when there were other moms with which to navigate through the fog.

I went to a graduation party for a (now) friend who I really didn't know all that well at the time, but I thought, if I want to have friends, I need to put some effort into it.  I'm not a recluse, I have friends, but there's something about walking through life with people who know basically exactly what you're going through that makes it easier to handle.  I brought my friend a congratulations card with Justin Bieber on it.  I wanted to be light-hearted and funny...now I love it even more because I have fun teasing my Canadian friend, so it only seems appropriate that I should give her a card clad with a Canadian born pop star!

So how does this all tie in with mama-instincts about sick children?
 My son started running a fever on Sunday night and now four days later, he's finally fever free.  However, for the four days that we have been quarantined in our house, I've had flashbacks to those lonely days before we actually got out of the house to do things!  I've been irritable and unhappy and I'm realizing it's directly related to being cooped up!

three little buddies, filthy dirty and having fun while their mamas have fun too

If there's something I'd like to pass on as helpful mommy advice it's this:  get in community.  Find other moms who you can spend time with who have children with similar ages.  It's an awesome feeling to sit on a park bench and have adult conversation with someone while your kid happily plays with his friend.

***I feel like I should add a disclaimer to this blog post.  There are many other good friends that the Lord has placed in my life along with their children, but to make my point, I thought I should keep it short and sweet.  God is good all the time.  And I'm very thankful to have a fever free child so we can get out and play tomorrow!

9-11-88 Taking It Back Old School

I'm sure there will be several blog posts today asking, "Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?"  But today I'm going to take it back even further...thirteen years earlier.  Twenty five years ago I made the biggest decision of my life.  I asked Jesus into my heart--FOR-EV-ER (now you're thinking about Sandlot, come back...)

I was little...4 months from turning 4 years old.  My dad wasn't home and my mom had chosen to read me a children's tract...it was actually the one pictured above and you can still buy them here.  She read it to me and I felt the urgency...I needed to become a Christian RIGHT THEN.  My mom encouraged me to wait until my dad came home so he could be a part of it, but I demanded it must happen then (I mean, after all, what if I died before my dad got home!?)

Right there in our hallway in Tennessee, I said the sinner's prayer and forever joined the family of Believers.  I'm so grateful my mom "let me" pray that prayer.

(How does this relate to my blog, you ask!?)

Everyday my son gets a little older and understands a little more.  His receptive language blows my mind!  And I'm realizing I'm the Christian that he hangs out with EVERY DAY.  The things I expose him to and my behavior shape his view of Christians.  Wow, a privilege and what pressure!

I've been having fun seeking out Christian kids' music, DVDs, and even recalling kid-friendly prayers my family use to say at the dinner table.

Is there something special you remember from your childhood that helped shape your heart as a Christian today?

i'd prefer you read this like a rap, not a poem. thanks.

Giggles and laughter fill the air,
Drool on my shirt, I don't care.
So glad we're not where we once were,
Where days and nights were one horrible blur.
You screamed and cried and I did too,
But no matter what, I always love you.
I praise the Lord we've passed through the crazy,
As it turns out, you're one precious baby.
I'll throw you on my hip and we'll go out to play, 
I'm thankful to God for this brand new day.

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama, (part 2)

Dear Overly-Opinionated Mama,

I wrote you a little note recently that might have made you mad, or it might have made you think.  Or maybe you didn't even read it. (Here it is, if that is the case.)  I just wanted to share a little follow up to let you know what I think...hopefully not in an OVERLY opinionated way, but in just a sharing and caring kind of way.

I hope to hit the major points that I have found to be hugely controversial throughout parents that I've encountered either on the web or in real life.  Ready?  Here we go.

Breastfeeding.  Yay or nay?  

Yay.  I believe in the benefits of it and hope to be an encouragement to others who want to try.  However, I also believe that some mamas just don't have the lifestyle to support it and it is more stress and guilt for the mama than it is a benefit for the baby.  So if it works, great...stick with it for more than a month if you can...and if it doesn't work out, that's fine too.  One mom isn't better than another because of it.

Co-sleeping.  Yay or nay?
Yay and nay.  HA!  I remember those sleepy, hazy first days with my baby.  And if you're able to nurse in the night, it's pretty easy to start co-sleeping, because who wants to be moving so much in the middle of the night!?  Not me.  However, as it turns out, our kiddo was a SUPER loud sleeper.  He was getting way more sleep than mama, so we transitioned him into his room about 4 weeks in so we could get some sleep!

I'm hesitant to support co-sleeping when it involves promoting snacking all through the night or when it extends for several months or years.  I am not a supporter of "the family bed."  Call me crazy, but my bed is for me and my husband.  It's good for our marriage and establishing limits with our kids.

Baby-wearing.  Yay or nay?

Yay.  I love it in theory and I tried to do it a lot.  However, I feel like I actually didn't do it that much with my first due to sleep-deprivation and being so sore all the time.  My back couldn't handle it.  My sister swears by the Ergo carrier.  I used two different carriers.  I will probably try to borrow her Ergo a little bit next time!  However, the free hand baby carrier was fantastic because it was well supportive like the Ergo, but allowed baby to sit in a comfortable forward-facing position!  That's so hard to find, as most carriers just end up letting baby hang off the front of mama.  This one got baby in a bit of a seated position!  (Baby can face mama, face out, and even go on mama's back with this carrier!  Very versatile.)

And of course, who doesn't love a good Moby wrap.  Lots of fabric, lots of wrapping, but allowed me to feel like my baby was very secure and is great for little snugly babies.  I've heard good things about the ka'tan carrier, but haven't tried it!

Pacifiers.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  Or more like, heck yeah!  The only thing we chose not to do is go back in his room and put it back in his mouth when he was little bitty.  If it helped him fall asleep, great.  But we didn't want to train him that when it came out, mom and dad came back in the room.  We wanted to encourage sleeping independently.  (That's not to say there weren't times we did anything and everything just to help him sleep!!!)  My little man didn't seem to have any probably nursing because of the paci and the benefit I found was when he just wanted to nurse to stay asleep I could swap in the paci and put him down to sleep instead of allowing him to sleep-nurse.

Cloth diapering. Yay or nay?
Yay...I guess.  We have cloth diapers.  We use them sometimes.  But we usually go in phases.   We'll do disposable for a month or two and then do cloth for a month or two.  I guess, maybe sadly, we don't do it for the environment, but more so just to save money.  So every time I use them I am saving money, but I don't stress if we use disposables for awhile.  I really don't think one is better parenting choice than the other...just maybe more economical.

CIO.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  While the cry-it-out method can be heart-breaking at times.  I disagree with those who argue babies don't cry unless they need something.  Well, I guess I only sort of disagree.  Sometimes babies just cry because they are TIRED (or over-tired) and I think it's important that they learn how to settle themselves down and go to sleep on their own.  I like sleep.  I like being able to have a break from my child.  I like teaching my child self-sufficiency and independence.

Scheduling.  Yay or nay?
Yay.  I think what I've learned from having a tiny baby that has grown in to a "big boy" is that in the beginning it's a little more easy to be flexible.  Babies have so many growth spurts and it's hard to schedule feedings when your little one wants to eat ravenously all the time.  But once he's grown up a little bit he likes knowing what's coming.

When I worked with toddlers in a child care center for almost 3 years, I found that they LOVED knowing what was coming next.  Kids expect routines and knowing what's coming next helps them feel like they have a little control in their life (which is a major thing when a kiddo turns two.)

Plus, let's be real, I'm a planner like my mom.  I like knowing I will have a predictable break in my day where I will be able to get things done that I can't do while caring for a child--or sometimes just take a nap!

___________________________________________________________________________________

Did I cover all the major ones?  I know you may not care about my opinions, but I think it's important to realize that some moms can value attachment-parent stances as well as the opposite.  We don't all have to be extremest when raising children.  A lot of things won't irreparably damage your child.

I think one of the biggest things to remember when parenting is whether or not you've prayed about it.  God was a dad, too.  He may not have had to figure out sleep-scheduling with His baby, Jesus, but He knows how you feel.  Jesus experienced real human emotion.  He struggled in every way.  He is SUPER wise.

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

Love,
Mary